Our blog has moved again!!!!  All future blogs will be at our website on our blog there, click the link to get to keeperskorner then go to the weblog tab.  See you over there!!

peace and blessings

Keepers

It has been brought to our attention that some of our friends are receiving emails with this in the Subject field:    Subject: Suggestion Re: keeperskorner.wordpress.com

It is spam and possibly a virus carrying scam, do NOT open, delete immediately.

We are sorry this is happening to anyone out there.

peace and blessings

keepers and jm

Today, keepers feel the need to put up a blog but have no idea what to blog about. This happens to be a period of time when our minds are on overdrive and working extra hard. In just a matter of a few days, our system has gone from feeling so low and so bad that none of us could find a way to function to feeling both excited and exhilarated by all that is happening in our lives. Keepers reaching a point of giving up was, indeed, an internal force at work–one where old tapes and messages took over as things seemed to be going wrong all around us. However, keepers coming back so quickly and with such energy has been a combination of both external forces and an internal willingness to get back up and keep on trying.

Long ago, keepers learned that there is no problem that has no answer. Every single problem or difficulty that presents itself in our lives has a right answer that will bring about resolution to whatever is unfolding. However, keepers tend to forget this truth when we are overwhelmed with problems that need answers. Our internal dialog turns from brainstorming to talk of giving up and how hopeless things are for us. We begin to remember the criticisms of others and we begin to recall all the failures keepers have experienced in life. At that point, we tend to forget all the progress keepers have made and how ingenious we have become at finding solutions where none seems even possible. It used to be that keepers would give up for months or years at a time. However, in today, our giving up lasts less than a week before someone in our system begins searching for new ways to work things out so that we can continue to thrive and work on KEEPERSKORNER. For us, the fact that every problem has an answer is something we need to learn over and over again by proving to ourselves that keepers are continually able to find answers that work in our lives.

Having survived all that keepers have in our lives, has left its scars on our system. That is for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of our worst areas of having been damaged comes when we are trying to trust in a world that has always been untrustable for keepers. Still, we have managed to trust enough for KEEPERSKORNER to grow and thrive as the ministry we always dreamed it would be. But, that trust is always fragile and very breakable within keepers. Our lives have always been based on people who lied to us and on broken promises and dreams that never had a chance to come true. So, when things go wrong (as they often do) keepers can feel our trust in others crumbling in spite of our efforts to maintain trusting within our system. We find ourselves sinking back into believing things are the way they used to be which is where keepers fall apart and sink into a pit of despair. But, sooner or later, the people we have chosen to be a part of our lives and of KEEPERSKORNER always manage to come through in due time and show us their very best in caring about what we care about. In fact, it is hard for our friends and coworkers to understand why keepers ever lost faith in them at all. For us, it is easy to comprehend but no one around us has been through all that keepers have. We have to remember that and know that those we trust never ever mean to hurt us. Just as keepers are doing our best–the people in our lives are doing their best as well. If only keepers could imprint that on the inside of our minds to counteract all of our old distrusting tapes that play so loudly when we feel abandoned or betrayed or just plain let down.

Keepers also tend to forget that we are very very blessed to have been given the gift of living in multiplicity. We do know that many multiples see it as a curse somehow. In fact, keepers saw our multiplicity as nothing more than a burden and a curse for a great many years. But as we have healed we have come to see what a blessing it is for us to have so many people within this one body. If it were not for the alters, this body would never have made it to adulthood. That alone makes it a real gift for us to be multiple. It took us many years to realize how wonderful it is to be alive. If it were not for Terrence and Emily Ann and Beth and Polly and all the others, we would never have had a day when we rejoiced just simply because we made it through. In today,. our multiplicity works for us in so many ways as we work on KEEPERSKORNER with the secretary and front person and artists all cooperating together from within our system. Strange as it may sound, when keepers are feeling good–we give a great deal of thanks for the fact that we live in multiplicity and have each other to depend on.

Today, it seems like things are coming together once again. Within the next 24 hours we should have word on our website and our weblog. We have taken steps to bring more closure with our former therapist saga. Keepers have come back into balance with our John Michael and we are enjoying every moment of every day. We know that there will be a point where we fall down again but we also know we will get back up quicker and with more ease next time because every day keepers get stronger and more determined in some way that we never have experienced before.

The truth is that thriving takes a lot of work and can truly be exhausting. But each time someone looks at keepers and says “You’ve come a long way. Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!” keepers know that it is so very good to just be alive in today.

peace and blessings,

maggie

Lately, keepers have been thinking a lot about the people who have always filled our lives. The truth is that ours has always been a very small world which consisted–almost completely–of family members. Grandparents–parents–siblings–external children and our JM have always been the major part of our lives. Other relationships never seemed to really come about for keepers. In childhood, keepers never really had playmates because our job was to tend to our dying Nana which meant we lived in isolation most of the time. Even as adults, keepers have never even held a real job which means we never had the experience of relating to coworkers the way most people do. So, those who have always been our role models are those who follow our blood line in some way.

Keepers parents were people who always thought they had all the answers and there was no need for them to be open to learning new things. Our siblings are much the same way–so full of themselves that each one is all knowing. And our external have followed much the same path. So much so, that keepers honestly believed that we would age believing much as those around us always have. We would grow older just simply knowing we already had all the answers and that our learning on this earth was completed long ago. After all, our schooling was done long ago and our system has often found ways to survive the unsurvivable so, somehow, we must have gained all the knowledge and wisdom that our predecessors were so sure was theirs from the beginning.

So, now we find ourselves running a ministry known as KEEPERSKORNER. We are often referred to as “the senior multiple” on the blogging circuit which tells us, quite clearly, that age has set in our system and that we should know all that life has to teach. And our truth is that keepers look inward at how far we have come and how much we are able to do in today (that we were never able to do before) and keepers all know that our system of alters is far from stupid–which, actually, makes us feel very good because that is brand new concept which puts a whole new spin on each day that we live on this earth.

But, the basic premise of keeper’s lives in today is that we really know so very little about life and all it entails. Even now, at nearly 60 years old, keepers are spending our time learning new ways of being and learning new truths about this life we are living.. We often find ourselves amazed at how very little we do know and, at times, we feel very overwhelmed at all the learning we have left to do. We find ourselves feeling anxious and excited because we want to learn it all before keepers leave this earth. Somehow, we know that is not possible but the desire to keep learning and discovering new truths has become one of the propelling forces behind keepers will to live.

Even if keepers have a great deal to learn about life outside of this one body, it seems we should have learned all there is to know about within the confines within the world of keepers. But even that is not true because  our own personal reality is constantly changing and with each painstaking step we take in the evolution of our minds, keepers discover that we have far more to learn about ourselves that one would ever think possible at this body’s ripe old age. Still, it holds true that keepers remain the true expert on being keepers even with so many gaps in our knowledge–which raises the question of how keepers can expect anyone else to really “get” being keepers when we are still on this quest of learning who and what keepers are all about.

In terms of being keepers, we have a list of things that we are wanting so much to learn or change about ourselves. Our ‘To Learn List” is perpetually changing because every one in our system adds to or subtracts from that list every single day. Keepers have so much we want to learn about being patient people. We have so much we want to learn about keepers being “thicker skinned” without giving up our abilities to empathize and care about others. Keepers have so much we want to learn about giving from our hearts while still being able to set up reasonable boundaries that keep everyone safe. We have so much to learn about feeling our own humility while taking pride in our work. And we are wanting to learn all we can about having courage and living with integrity even about being comfortable with our own personal differences from other people. So, we look at our list and watch it change from day to day, knowing that our learning about even our internal world is something we will be doing for the rest of our lives.

Whenever keepers do something like write a blog, we all know that we only have the right to speak for ourselves and from our own experiences. We can only write about what works for us or about how our system perceives things because what works for keepers may well not work for another system of alters. We can only write from our perspective because our view of the world is completely unique as is everyone’s. But writing our blog about whatever is on our mind’s–whether it be keepers doing some soul searching on the issue of integration or about needing to set a boundary or two or even about our sense of loss in this situation or that one–keepers are writing mainly to sort out our own thoughts and feelings so that we can walk away from what we have written feeling like we have learned a thing or two about our own lives and our own ways of functioning on this earth. After all, with keepers having so much left to still learn, we know we have absolutely no right to be putting our beliefs out there in the form of advice to any other human being.

As keepers move along with our healing journey, the one thing we all know is that keepers are still learning at a phenomenal rate. Strange as it may seem, we truly hope that is always true of our system because learning the big things like how to manage and update our own website is just as thrilling as learning how to be just a little more patient as we move from day to day. For keepers, one of the greatest blessings we have been given is the realization that there is soooooooooooo much left for us to learn and that remaining open to learning new things even at our age is the greatest adventure life could ever take us on.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Over the last few days, a couple of situations have presented themselves via our toll free number. One was from a sister multiple who has been our dear friend for a year now. She was experiencing the revolving door phenomenon for the first time. By that, I mean she was having rapid switching with many of her alters coming out in a very short period of time. Keepers strongly recommended that this sister survivor call her therapist on the phone and seek professional care for what she was experiencing. Our friend chose to not make the call but to email her therapist instead. Unfortunately, her therapist has a track record of not calling when asked to do so in an email. However, keepers made the strong suggestion that our friend place the phone call because we care very much about everyone in this system and this is not a situation keepers are equipped to handle in any way.

Then, tonight, another call came in from another dear friend who lives in multiplicity. Her system has been having a very difficult time and has had physical problems on top of the multiplicity. This dear friend confided in us that she is once again throwing up blood. Keepers automatically began strongly urging this sister survivor to call her doctor which she did not want to do. However, throwing up blood is an extremely serious symptom and requires medical attention much more than it requires a friend on the other end of the line. This friend tends to think that keepers are blowing her off when we suggest she contact her therapist or call a doctor. Nothing could be further from the truth. We make these suggestions because we care very much and want our friend to have the appropriate care at all times.

Keepers value both of the above relationships greatly. We want to give our caring and support in situations like these. But, we would be grossly unfair to you if we stayed on the phone with you instead of getting you to make that call to your doctor or therapist. However, once that call is made and your professional is aware of the situation–keepers will give all the support we can to help you get to the doctors office or to listen after your therapist has helped with the revolving door effect. But that call to the professional who can help you needs to come before keepers offering our caring and support.

The truth is that our toll free number was set up to be a source of friendship for our sister survivors. That friendship is something keepers take very seriously and we always give our best when on our toll free number. But,. we have to ask that people respect that boundary where keepers have to say CALL YOUR THERAPIST or CALL YOUR DOCTOR. We only say those things when we feel they are necessary. We say them because we do care and we want the best for those who call our toll free number.

However, keepers are aware that there are those who will not make that call to the doctor or to the therapist. If it is a situation where keepers know how to contact the therapist ourselves, we will place that call immediately and leave it in the therapists hands to take action that is best for his/her client. Other than that, keepers can only bow out of the situation until appropriate medical or therapeutic intervention has taken place. After the urgency of the situation has been relieved, keepers are more than happy to be back to spending time on the phone together.

For KEEPERSKORNER, this is a very serious boundary that we must respect at all times. We do hope that the calls will continue to come in. We also hope that our reasoning behind this one boundary can be understood by our sister survivors who need help other than what KEEPERSKORNER is qualified to give.

Thank you,

keepers

From the very first day that JM came into our lives, keepers have know (full well) how blessed we are to have been given such a wonderful soul mate on our journey through life. But, it would be a lie to say that our lives together have always been easy. In fact, the exact opposite has been true for a large percentage of our years together. Our commitment to each other has had to be strong enough to overcome or work through some very special challenges that have been unique to our relationship.

For the entire 38 years that we have been together, people have been saying to keepers that we are so lucky that a man like our JM would even bother with us. We have had therapist say this to us time and time again. In fact, we had one therapist who told us time and time again that the only sickness in our JM was that he felt any love at all for keepers. Even our external children would ask him why it was that he would even put up with keepers in the first place. You see, for as long as they lived in this house–their father was the perfect parent while keepers were garbage under their feet. Friends, family–everyone–always held JM in high esteem while seeing keepers as not worth their time in any way. The only one who ever treated us as if we had value in this relationship was our John Michael, himself. Never once has he made keepers feel like a lesser part of our marriage in any way.

Still, the major part of our marriage has been spent with this being a huge bone of contention in our marriage. This was true for several reasons. First, it was very hard for keepers to live a life of trying very hard to do good only to be taken down twenty or thirty pegs at a time when someone would let us know that JM had married far below his status in life. On top of that, people’s words often made our JM quite angry because he saw how much they hurt keepers. He continually reassured keepers that he had no desire to be the perfect person. He just wanted to be a man who loved his wife. Still, the strain of people making JM pure perfection while making keepers lower than low put a gigantic strain on our marriage for many years.

Secondly, our JM has always been the only one in this relationship who has held a job. He has spent nearly every day of his life out there in corporate America making a living that had to support all five of us in this family. At times, that meant him working two jobs to make ends meet. When our external children were quite young, keepers did take in baby sitting to make ends meet but as our therapy progressed and our inabilities became more prominent, keepers were dissociating too much to continue with even that. So, keepers became stay at home moms for a great many years. To do our fair share, keepers were room mothers and den mothers and brownie leaders for our children but we were not adding to the family finances in any way.

Our JM never complained about this being the situation of our lives–largely because he was seeing what keepers were going through in doing our therapeutic work. Still, the world at large was constantly calling keepers spoiled and lazy for not being out there in the work world each day. Even our external children were highly critical of keepers not working because the mothers of all their friends worked full time jobs on top of being moms. So, the fact that JM was the sole support of our family when other families had already become based on two incomes was a huge source of strain between us. Not because of how our JM felt about it or even because of how keepers felt about it. Purely and completely, the strain between us came from what other people said about keepers not having a job or career.

Another source of difficulty for us both was that JM was always out there in the corporate world and saw things from the point of view of being a professional and a business man. Keepers had never been in that world in any way so we had no concept of his perceptions or understanding of how the world works. Much of our lives it was JM thinking like a man while keepers thought like women. It was JM thinking like a business man while keepers thought like the home bodies we had always been. And, then, JM saw the world through only one set of eyes while keepers had this kaleidoscope view of everything in life. So, for us, even finding a common ground for communicating often proved to be impossible.

Another problem that has seemed to be unique to us is that keepers lived every day of our marriage (for a full thirty years) believing our JM would walk out on us one day. He would either go to the store and never come back or head off to work one day without ever returning home again. JM always swore to us that this would never happen but keepers lived in fear of it until about five years ago when we really did begin to believe that we were both in this marriage for the duration.

In truth, these are all issues that have been laid to rest in our lives (for the most part). Keepers know that JM values us as much as we value him. We both understand that our relationship has been what is right for us and what other people think of that does not really matter at all. And we have learned to work very hard to keep the lines of communications open in every way possible. JM and keepers agree that we have a very special and very loving relationship that most people will never understand at all.

Keepers wish that our relationships with JM could move forward without any new stumbling blocks getting in our way.  But the truth is that no relationship is ever perfect–especially since keepers are abuse survivors which has left parts of us scarred in ways we know not how to fix.  And, JM, as wonderful as he is, often brings his own baggage in to stir up the difficulties we have between us.  But, the bottom line is, both JM and keepers value our relationships so much that we will deal with whatever comes our way and hold on to each other for dear life.  That is the way it has been around here for the last 38 years.  And the way it will be for the next 38 years.

peace and blessings,

keepers

***IT IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DEFEAT AN ENEMY THAT HAS OUTPOSTS IN ONE’S MIND*** author unkown

This coming Monday will be the one year anniversary of keepers testifying in court against our former therapist.  Keepers are all thankful that the hearing came about when it did because the timing was perfect for us.  We had to work very hard at getting strong enough to do what we had to do but, somehow, we not only managed to get through it but the Asst. Attorney General told us keepers did an excellent job of testifying.  We are glad for that because in today–keepers would be completely unable to do what we did so well just a year ago.

Just a few days ago, our JM called the State Licensing Bureau to find out if any decision has been made yet on the disciplinary action that will be taken against our former therapist.  JM was told that the committee is still working on it and keepers will hear via snail mail in the near future.  He sees this as just part of way it works and lets it go at that.  Keepers, however, feel devastated because a year is a very long and precious amount of time for us–especially since our former therapist literally stole 17 years of our lives from us.  We do not want to give him another moment of the life we have left but seem unable to stop it until our case against him is final in every way.  I think that is largely because keepers still feel so much like his victims–as state of being that will only fade away once we know he is being taken to task for the harm he has done.

Over the last few years, many people have worked to get keepers to face the truth of what our former therapist did to us.  We worked extensively with a therapist who was convinced he had brainwashed our system.  Other professionals have spoken with us about his pure genius in employing mind control with keepers.  And even the State of Missouri has spoken with us at length about the mind games he was continue playing with keepers while he was our therapist of record.  For years, now, keepers have been listening to all of this but allowing it remain somehow distant and far away from who we were trying to become.  However, the longer it takes for the disciplinary action to come in the more we realize that keepers will never be free of this man because he is an enemy who has established outposts in our mind.

For a long time now keepers lives have been full of warnings about our former therapist.  Our insurance company warned us that this man would do anything he could to harm keepers.  Therapists warned us that this man knows the inner workings of keepers so well that he can get at us without ever coming into direct contact with us.  Even those involved with our case against him have told us to be very careful of this man for years to come.  The longer keepers have to sit and wait for completion, the more these warnings seem to be coming to life for us.

In many ways, keepers were far too trusting while working with our former therapist.  Not only does he know keepers far better than anyone else ever has but we gave him many portholes to us through our family members.  This man acted as therapist of record for each of our two daughters (at different times) which he promised us was a good thing.  What it actually turned out to be, though, was him using our girls as vessels through which he could bring us the greatest harm.  But, keepers have to take responsibility for that because we trusted his words when we really should have been smarter than that.

One thing everyone has told us is that our former therapist wanted keepers to stay sick so badly that he was sabotaging our healing in every way possible.  Somehow, keepers got the idea that since he was no longer involved in our lives, it would no longer matter to him if we got on our healing path and maintained a thriving way of life.  Keepers see no reason why it should matter to him now how keepers are doing in any way.  Still, his hand is at work sabotaging us in many ways.

For us, I think the proof of how dangerous our former therapist is seen as being was when our local police were watching for him to show up here the day it became public that he was found guilty on five counts in our case.  I think the fact that this man’s own professional peers call him a true sociopath speaks volumes about the truth of what keepers are now dealing with.

The truth is that 2007 has been an extremely painful year for keepers.  We do know that our former therapist had nothing to do with things like our website being stagnant for those twelve months or with several of the things that have happened.  But he did know exactly how to bring keepers to our knees and cause us to put thriving on the back burner for a while.  He knew where to hit us and how to hit us where it would do the most damage which he did quite successfully last April.  By July, his mind games had truly brought keepers to our knees and left us feeling like the victims we had always been.  Everyone agrees that he was the only one with the knowledge and dishonesty to carry off what happened to us with such perfect timing and ingenious planning.

Keepers are trying hard now to come back from all that has happened.  We are finding that horribly difficult, though.  Each day, we hope and pray that letter telling us the disciplinary action will arrive in our mailbox.  We feel like bad people because we truly hope they throw the book at him.  But just knowing the final action taken will give keepers the opportunity to shut the book on all of this and try to return to our thriving status which we feel like we deserve now.

Even though it has been a full year since keepers testified, this is all still a waiting game.  One that is costing keepers dearly on an emotional level.  That letter did not come today.  Perhaps, tomorrow.

peace and blessings,’

keepers

Yesterday was one of those days when keepers were feeling really down and very bad about ourselves.  The only thing wrong with us was that we had been closed up here at KEEPERSKORNER for much too long and cabin fever had set in big time.  Yesterday, though, we thought we just going down the tubes in many ways.  Only today–after having spent the afternoon with a good friend and enjoying the atmosphere in our favorite restaurant did keepers understand what a grip cabin fever had gotten on us.

Keepers are one of those systems that always has more trouble in the January/February months than at any other time of year.  We hate the cold that winter months bring so our systems tends to avoid venturing out much.  And looking out our windows gives us a view of a very desolate world outside of KEEPERSKORNER.  Every year, early January brings keepers to feeling very alone and extremely far from the world we enjoy so much during warmer weather.  That was where keepers found ourselves yesterday.

However, the temperature here was in the fifties today so keepers found the courage to get dressed and meet a friend for lunch.  It feels like it had been months since the two of us had sat together and talked about everything under the sun.  In reality, it has probably been just a little over a month but still anxiety had set in for keepers as we headed toward the restaurant–especially since our friend called our cell to let us know she would be late but would get there eventually.  Still, we continued to the restaurant and sat for half an hour waiting for our friend.

Keepers do not do crowds.  Especially when our JM or someone like our friend is not with us.  However, JM had to drop us off and head back to work while keepers sat in the restaurant waiting for our friend to arrive.  We were meeting in the middle of the lunch hour rush which meant keepers were sitting alone amidst all kinds of activity and people for a while.  There was a time when no keeper could have handled this situation.  That time was not so long ago.  But our JM was on the phone to us every few minutes–just to say hi and help us to stay grounded, which helped an awful lot.  In fact, while sitting there at our table keepers found ourselves winding down and actually enjoying watching all that was going on around us.  It felt so good to be out around people and something inside of us knew we could handle whatever might happen.  Of course, the pot of coffee I was consuming helped a lot to ground keepers.  And the friendly smile of our waitress made keepers feel more comfortable than we would have ever thought.

Once our friend arrived, keepers did breathe a sigh of relief as we place our orders and got down to the business of catching up with each other.  She brought me a book to bring home and read.  It is called A WRINKLE IN TIME.  She loved the book and promised it would be an easy read for keepers.  I will let you know after keepers have time to read it.  After that, keepers heard about her husband and daughters while we shared some of our stories of our children growing up.  Then, we moved on to more philosophical talk–winding up our afternoon together discussing multiplicity and how keepers experience it.  All in all, three hours had passed without notice.  She had a doctors appointment to get to and keepers realized we were quite worn out so we both headed our separate ways.    But, before she left, our friend reminded us to make sure we take time early next week to get out and about for a while–even if it is cold.  She will be out of town so keepers will find something else to do for an afternoon.

Evening is setting here now.  There is a definite chill in our home.  But keepers feel so much better and far less alone.  We tend to forget what awesome our lives are in today–totally because we have fallen into our winter seclusion.  But taking a few hours out of our day to sit and just be with someone we can communicate with always seem to refresh our minds and renew our spirits–which is exactly what keepers needed on this winter afternoon during our yearly battle against cabin fever.

Keepers are far from alone on this earth.  We do know that even though we forget from time to time.  Somehow, we have to remember that feeling alone and being alone are two very different things.  But, right now, keepers are feeling good again and will meet our JM at the door (when he gets home from work) smiling and feeling good again.

Like I said–what a difference a day makes.

peace and blessings,

keepers

A couple of years ago, keepers son was extremely angry with keepers for something.  He wished upon us complete aloneness in our lives.  Now, many months later, keepers truly feel like some of the loneliest people in the world.  So much so that we have moments or even days when going on just does not seem worth it.  Of course, by remembering and thinking about our sons angry and vengeful words can easily be a source of deep depression for keepers–especially when we are so convinced that what he put out there in the universe is, indeed, coming true for our system.

But, reality is that keepers have allowed his wish for us to become another self-fulfilling prophecy in our lives.  We are just now beginning to realize that keepers took in his words and processed them in a way where we subconsciously set about to make them true.  Self-fulfilling prophecies have always been something that have ruled keepers lives–largely because we hear the wishes or predictions someone else makes for us and we manage to take them to heart in a way that brings their desires to reality for keepers.   However, this mostly happens for us when it is a loved one that makes the wish or prediction for keeper’s future.  I think this is true because keepers have always believed our loved ones see us much more accurately than we see ourselves.  Keepers try hard to stay stronger than the prophecies of others but we often find ourselves right here where we realize that our unconscious has set about fulfilling their words without keepers even being aware of it.

The truth is that keepers are extremely vulnerable to the wishes or predictions of others simply because those words enter our system on so many levels and attain so many varied reactions from us.  Our little alters hear the words and automatically believe they will come true.  They accept without fighting because they see this as their just dues.  Our teens set out to nix whatever words have been said–without realizing that this is an egg we have no power to unscramble.  And us bigs feel the sting of such ill wishes and try to let them go without giving them any further thought.  But, still, on some unaware level, we are deeply buying into the words and setting about to make them come true–as strange as that may sound.

What keepers need to do now is see that our sons wishes for us were spoken words and nothing more.  We need to remember that he knew our feeling alone was our Achille’s Heel which is the only reason he spoke to speak those words to his mother out of anger.  And we need to remember that keepers always have the power to change or fix whatever is wrong in our lives.  And, lastly, keepers need to remember that this wish for us will only continue to be reality as long as we allow it to be that way.

For the last two years, keepers have been growing more and more alone–somehow forgetting that feeling alone and being alone are two very different things.  All of that time keepers thought things were simply unfolding the way they were meant to be.  It was not until today that keepers saw what we were doing all this time–allowing our sons angry words to gradually become the self-fulfilling prophecy it is today.  It was keepers who gave his words power and managed to subconsciously set about making them true in the world of us.

Now, that keepers see and understand the mistake we have made by buying into such cruel words , we can set about destroying this self-fulfilling prophecy and replacing it with our own vision of what life should be for us.  It will be a long slow process but breaking it can be done by keepers working diligently on changing our thinking and altering the things we do that make our system feel so alone.  By breaking this self-fulfilling prophecy, keepers take back our power over our own lives and find the happiness we have known in spending time with others.

Tomorrow afternoon, keepers will be out to lunch with a dear friend and spend the afternoon catching up on the time we have missed together.  For us, this is the first step in breaking the aloneness that has felt like it was consuming us for a very long time now.  It is a beginning and nothing more.  But a beginning is a beginning and keepers have found the strength to start from square one, which is a very good thing.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Yesterday, Miss Emily Ann (four year old alter in system known as keepers) held her very first tea party ever.  The event took place within the confines of the office located at KK.  A footstool covered with a baby blanket served well as the table for this event.  Entertainment was provided by THE JUNGLE BOOK which was presented by way of DVD.  Dishes were served on Miss Emily Ann’s personal tea set, which she received as a gift on Christmas, 2007.  The menu was delightful and determined by the hostess.  Pepsi flavored tea was served in abundance.  Cheezits, pretzel sticks and cashews offered a delightful array of flavors on the table.  Also, Miss Emily Ann satisfied the sweet tooth with Milky Way bits and Dots, which were also part of the hostesses Christmas Gifts this past year.

The tea party began at 2:30 in the afternoon and it was nearly 4:00 before all guests had left the event.  In attendance were our JM, who spoke eloquently of Miss Emily Ann’s abilities to hostess with grace and kindness.  Keepers large stuffed Dopey doll was also present.  However, keepers stuffed Grumpy doll chose to not attend the event.  Little’s Boo doll was present in her finest attire.  Max and Owen (keepers two kitty cats) were not invited to this event but were so intrigued by the goings ons that they chose to crach the party and become a part of the festivities.  Big keepers were asked to not attend as we might damper the fun with too many rules.  Boy keepers had other plans within our internal landscape so they were quite happy to miss this social event of the year.

I am told that invitations to the party went out the day before the event and that our little Miss Emily Ann worked very hard on the menu and gave the entire affair her best attention.  Everyone from our JM to Dopey to Boo to the kitty cats said that they had a wonderful time at Emily Ann’s very first tea party ever.  In fact, this reporter was told that it was an event everyone will remember fondly while anxiously looking forward to the hostess’ next tea party–which she is hoping will be in just a week or two.

When asked if she enjoyed hostessing her first tea party, Miss Emily Ann smiled from ear to ear.  She stated how much fun it was to finally get to do something that she had always dreamed of doing.  Then, off she went back into our inner world where she could rest up from her big event and think about what she wants to serve at her next tea party.

All this reporter can say is that it really is never too late to have a happy childhood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

peace and blessings,

keepers