Today is the birthday of our youngest daughter. She was once our miracle baby since she was born two months early. She has also always been the very best Christmas gift keepers were ever given since she surprised us by coming into this world so shortly after Christmas one year. But now she is a grown woman who is married and has two little girls of her own. Today, she is in her very early thirties and celebrating this special day with the people she values and wants in her life. Still, keepers can not let this day pass without acknowledging how very thankful we are that we got the honor of being Beemer’s mother during her childhood years. She has always been very precious to us and we want her to know that in her heart–especially on her birthday since we shared her first one together bringing her into this world.

Actually, Beemer had a very difficult beginning to life on this earth. Just two months before she was born, JM and keepers had our new home gutted by fire that originated in a deep fat fryer. I do not have any idea if the trauma of all that was what caused our baby girl to arrive two months early but we know it was a distinct possibility. Anyway, she weighed in at just over five pounds at birth and spent the first few weeks of her life in the neo natal unit at a local hospital. The day we were able to bring Beemer home is one that keepers will always remember because it felt like we had to wait so long to introduce our new little baby girl to her brother and sister.

To be honest, keepers had no idea about our multiplicity when Beemer was born. Actually, our parents were ruling our lives with their control and manipulation on a constant basis. In fact, we had just spent two months living in their house due to the fire that made our own home uninhabitable. Not only was it our parents home but the uncle who had been our worst perpetrator was living in the basement of their home at the time. At one point, JM and keepers decided to take our two young children and move into a motel until our home was ready for us. Keepers parents threw such a fit that we stayed where we were.

When Beemer came into this world, keepers did not remember the horrors of our childhood. However, our lives were riddled with lost time and pains that no one could explain and just trying to get through each day felt impossible to us. Besides which, the birth of each our children threw keepers into an undescribable postpartum depression. Still, it would be five years until keepers actually sought therapy and, eventually, received our diagnosis of MPD/DID. Unfortunately, our memories began to surface too late for us to keep our little children safe from our family of origin. That is something keepers just can not forgive ourselves for in spite of the fact that our family was exiled from our lives as soon as we realized the kind of people they truly were.

I can not tell you anything about our youngest daughter in today as keepers have had little or no relationship with her for the last four years. We have no idea who she has chosen to be in today. However, I can say that keepers loved our youngest daughter from the moment she was born. It is a love that will live in our hearts forever. But, that love has gone from being filled with joy to being riddled with the pain of not knowing anything about our youngest daughter any more.

For keepers, the saddest part of everything is that we wanted our daughter to feel love for us. We wanted nothing more than that from her. But even that simple want has gone bad since we no longer have any kind of relationship with her. So, all keepers can say is that we wish Beemer the happiest of birthdays. And we want to tell her that her old mom loves her so very much no matter what.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR SWEET BEEMER

Mom (aka keepers)