This past Sunday was Veteran’s Day here in the U.S. That is the day we Americans set aside each year to honor those who have served in our military over the years. For keepers, it is a day when we think of the veterans we have known in our own lives but never attend the parades or services around our city. Largely, this is because Veteran’s Day is not one our JM has off work so it passes without much notice here at KEEPERSKORNER.

Well, this past Sunday night was one of those rare times when keepers had the 10:00 news playing in the background while we were working on other things. At some point, a story came on about the veterans here in St. Louis and many from one home were being interviewed about how they view the war in Iraq. While keepers were focusing on winding up the day here at KEEPERSKORNER, we heard a voice coming from our television. Without even looking up to put a face with the voice, our littles knew that the veteran who was being interviewed was none other than an old neighbor (from when we were growing up) named B.D. Before long, keepers just had to turn toward the tv to make sure we were right in who we were hearing. Lo and behold, right there on our television was B.D. speaking in the gentle voice that keepers remember from so long ago. In shock, we beckoned our JM to the office so that he could see that this man was actually on the local news. JM was as surprised as keepers because it had been well over 25 years since we have seen or heard of B.D. in any way. After this news story ended, JM went back to work on the computer and keepers continued to shut down KEEPERSKORNER for the night. We did not give this incidence even one more conscious thought.

Keepers did not realize that seeing our old neighbor on tv was unearthing many simple memories in our minds. However, over the last few days, I have watched Polly (our 14 year old alter) as she was holding Max in her arms and thinking about how B.D. had long ago given her a Siamese kitten that she named Haiku. Then, in bed one night, I could hear Terrence (another of our child alters) remembering how this neighbor had told him that our parents were such alcoholics that drinking grain alcohol was not beyond the realm of possibility for them. And another alter began having memories of this neighbor sitting in our living room drinking beer and eating Leiderkranz cheese while watching the Super Bowl. After a day or two, I began to realize that simple memories of a man from long ago were coming to the surface totally because we happened to see him on the local news.

There was a time when seeing someone like B.D. on television would have been a huge trigger for our system. Just hearing his voice without looking at his face would have thrown keepers into one abreaction (the actual reliving of traumatic events) after another. We would have thought of this neighbor giving Polly the cat and gone into reliving what happened to that pet. Or, we would have gone into abreacting the abuse that never failed to occur in our home after Dad had a Sunday of doing nothing but sitting and drinking. Looking back to last Sunday, I really think our JM must have thought we would be off and running in our abreactive world since this trigger had so innocently appeared on our television set.

But, the truth is, that the incident came and went without one single abreaction erupting. Instead of keepers buying back into what this neighbor represented in our lives and catapulting back to reliving those traumatic events in our lives, we found ourselves dealing with simple memories that our system could handle. Some of what came back to us was not pleasant in any way–like recalling the levity of our parents alcoholism but it was something we controlled instead of the memories controlling keepers. We shed a few tears over what life was for us back then and we even journaled a little about what we were remembering but the honest truth is that we knew keepers have gone from actually reliving traumatic events to just plain remembering without being triggered. For us, that is an absolutely gigantic step forward.

Recently, keepers heard of someone saying to a little alter (in another system) that the 9 year old inner child had both the ability and the responsibility to stop her abreactions from happening. Hearing this 9 year olds story made keepers stop and really think because our system spent so many years dealing with one abreaction after another while feeling like no one in our system had any power to stop them. Something would happen–we were triggered and, as our JM would say “keepers were off to the races” in terms of abreacting. In all honesty, as I look back over those many years, I can not remember anyone saying anything about keepers having either the ability or the responsibility to just make abreactions go away in our lives. In today, keepers look back over the last 30 years of our lives and we fully believe that not one of us had any power to make our reliving our abusive years go away.

However, something has changed for keepers in a major way. As recently as last spring keepers felt like we were constantly walking through mine fields of triggers that could blow us out of the water at any given moment. But the fact that we saw B.D. on our local news and even sat watching him as he spoke his piece without being triggered back into what once was for us shows keepers that we are still gaining ground on living a more healthy life where we control our memories much more than they control us.

In all honesty, it takes a tremendous amount of work every single day for keepers to remain in a place where our past has no power in our lives. We have to work hard to stay physically strong because that gives us the sense of being strong enough to defend ourselves if need be. We have to be devoted to our spiritual life in every way because that gives us the sense that our Higher Power is ever watching over us. We have to maintain our constant commitment to KEEPERSKORNER because that gives keepers both a sense of purpose and worth on this earth. And we have to be ever aware that keepers can and should trust our own instincts at any given moment because we do have good minds and we see things much more clearly than anyone ever led us to believe. But day after day keepers wake up in the morning knowing we have a long and difficult day ahead of us where we have to work really hard to remain in a place where–more and more–our memories are becoming something we think about without having to relive.

Today, more than ever before, keepers consider ourselves true survivors because we have made it through the worst part of dealing with our abusive past and we have gained control over our system in ways we never thought possible. It was only a few years ago when keepers woke up each morning simply fighting to survive. Now, it feels awesome to know we wake up working to maintain our status of thriving in this world.

love and blessings,

keepers

For the last ten days or so, neither JM or keepers have had time to go out and read the blogs of our dear cyber friends.  I am sorry to say that the same will probably hold true over the upcoming ten days or so as well.  For our sakes, we feel really bad about this because both JM and keepers really miss visiting and reading what our blog friends are thinking and doing on a regular basis.  However, hopefully, once things slow down here at KEEPERSKORNER–we will be back to catching up with each of our blog friends.

About ten days ago, our JM received a bonus check from work.  This was his reward for doing good for the company over the last year.  Anyway, we talked about what to do with the money.  Of course, part of it is going in to paying for us playing Santa to little alters around the world through KK this Christmas season.  And part of the bonus went into buying us a whole new bed (because the springs were sticking out of our old one) and two nice recliner chairs for the office of KK.  The rest of the money went into buying paint so we could do each of the major rooms here at KEEPERSKORNER.  We began with our bedroom last week and now are working on painting the office but there is still much for us to do.  Fortunately, our JM has quite a bit of “use it or lose it” time this year and has been off work more than usual which has enabled us to focus on getting our painting done before the holidays or cold weather really set in here.

Other than our not having time to go out and read blogs, we are maintaining a “business as usual” atmosphere while we work on our home improvement project.  Keepers are still trying to publish our blog every day.  We are still answering all calls that come in on our toll free number (1.888.752.9070) and taking time to really chat or talk with whoever calls.  We are trying hard to keep up with emails and maintain our IMing with some very special people.  So, all in all, we are getting a lot done even in the midst of the chaos that goes with painting ones home.

For keepers, there are several reasons why we want to get this painting done and out of the way.  First, changing the colors in KEEPERSKORNER rids us of that age old feeling that our parents are still in control of everything in our lives.  Since dear ole Dad had always chosen our decor, we feel like keepers are finally saying one last good bye so that we can have our long awaited lives of our own.  But doing this now is most important because keepers want this Christmas to be different than any other we have ever had.  We want Christmas 2007 to fill our lives with love and peace and tranquility which we are confident the new look will enable us to do.  Besides, fresh new paint actually seems to be helping keepers with our allergies since it means we are also cleaning out vents and washing drapes and things like that.  So, as inconvenient as it may be, working on improving KEEPERSKORNER is giving keepers a huge lift in spirit and a brand new outlook on life which we have needed for a very long time.

JM and keepers have not forgotten our dear blog friends at all.  In fact, while we are busy painting we are wondering what Beauty or Marj or April Optimist (among others) are doing while we are away.  Many of our other blog friends we are keeping up with by phone or email so we still know what is going on with them and they know what is happening with us.  However, we are really looking forward to getting our painting finished so we can get back on a regular schedule and visit each blog to say hello and see how each of you are doing.  We are allowing ten days to get there but hopefully it will not take us that long.

And once again, we will be manning our toll free number from Wednesday Nov.21 until Monday Nov. 26, 2007 on a 24/7 basis.  We hope to hear from many of our friends over the Thanksgiving Holiday here in the U.S.  Again, our toll free number is 1.888.752.9070.

Peace and blessings,

keepers

Dear friends,

One of our dear friends, Kat, has a kitty who needs a new home and we are reproducing Kkt’s blog here in an effort to get more people to see and maybe help Marky and Kat.  If you can help or know of someone else who may be able to please contact Kat, her email address is listed below.

peace and blessings

Keepers

when we first began our journey with marky, boy oh boy we thought we were in for it, but we soon found out much different. we were introduced to Marky and his former roommate Lil Bit by his former owners in September of 2006. when Lil Bit was let loose of the towel he was being held in he nuzzled right up to us. when Marky was let out of the carrier he came in he darted straight underneath the couch and wouldnt come out, FOR NOTHING!!!! lol.. so we would lift up the ruffle of the couch end and peek under there and gentle whisper a sweet hello to our new friend. his eyes just peered at us strangely.. wondering who we were. within the few hours the owners stayed here an visited Marky inched half-way out from under the couch. we got a glance at him. he was beautiful. with his grey and white markings on him and his soft “meow”. when the owners were for sure that we wanted both of them and they knew the cats were in good hands they left. kissing both of their cat babies goodbye and snuggling with them. we promised we would keep in touch with them and that they could stop by anytime and visit them. we’ve kept that promise. in fact, the female owner and i, Kat, have become nice friends.

Over time things now have changed with our loving cats.. our sweet Marky who i believe is around 7 years old now has recently been diagnosed with diabetes. He has really changed. His favorite thing use to be to snuggle at night with us when we slept and to sleep in our lap here at the computer.. that also has changed. Back in May we were admitted to the hospital due to a crisis we were having. We had our neighbor and our community care provider looking after our sweet cats while we were away. When we got home we knew something was wrong with Marky. We told our community care provider and neighbor and asked them questions.. We said Marky had lost alot of weight, too much.. that he was not himself.. that his “meow” was even quiet, that all he was doing was sleeping and that when he walked it was like he was walking very very slow and really carefully..

well as time went on it didnt seem to get any better.. i watched and watched for almost 4 months.. then i got sick of watching and seeing no improvements.. he would eat and drink and still gain no weight at all.. so i finally called a vet that said they would help me with the finances of all the cost of the vet bills.. i made Marky an appointment and took him in.. they ran test on him and sure enough first test showed… diabetes.. they took another test on him called a Glucose Curve Test to find out how much insulin Marky would need to be given, at that time it was 2 units.. meaning 2 shots of insulin 2 times a day.. after time Markys condition was not improving.. so they raised it up to 3 units of insulin.. 2 shots.. 2 times a day..

well.. thats what Marky has been on for some time.. till today.. i went out to Markys vet to pick up another bottle of insulin and sit down and have a heart to heart talk to Markys doctor.. i told her all my concerns..

how i financially just cant do this.. its draining me.. i live on SSI (disability).. and after i pay my bills.. and (embarrassed to say) get the food from my food stamps which is not all that much.. my money has to cover the rest of my food.. plus the cats food and litter.. since markys diabetes he urinates (no kidding!) 10 times more than a normal cat.. he soaks the bottom of the litter box with urine.. the box has to be cleaned and emptied every other day.. so im buying litter for it non-stop.. Marky eats and drinks all day long.. but its not his fault.. its what his body is telling him to do cause his insulin is not right yet..

i have to wake up at 8am to get his med out.. give his shot in the morning at 9:30 am on the dot.. remember to take his med out at 8pm give him his shot at 9:30 pm on the dot.. i worry constantly about him..

i am constantly stressed about issues in our own lives (we are multiple) so we have those EXTRA stresses.. dont sleep well.. but all this doesnt matter.. this is all the side stuff.. what matters is we love Marky.. in my heart i have done the very best i can do for him.. and thats what i told the doctor.. she told me to give myself a certain amount of time.. like a month to 2 months.. and set that time limit for myself.. i would have heard all im going to hear from anyone in that amount of time if anyone is interested seriously.. i said ok..

so.. im giving it 1 month..

she said if there are no takers for Marky.. bring him back here.. instead of the pound.. we can put him to sleep here.. together.. that way you can spend the last moments with him and he wont be suffering anymore from all this.. …….i said… k..

for now she has put him on a special kind of insulin.. a very expensive kind.. and raised his insulin to 4 units.. 2 shots.. 2 times a day.. she said when this bottle of insulin runs out she wants me to call her and tell her how he did on it.. so.. im going to.. she knows i cant afford this type of insulin she has him on..

we just hope and pray soo hard that there is someone willing to give Marky a home out there.. but someone who can really give him the time he need.. the care he needs.. and the attention and medical care he needs..

the vet that he sees is at Tri-Country Veterinary in Graham, NC her name is Dr. Wells.. shes a fantastic vet i would recommend her to anyone.. she so loving and tender with Marky..

please.. if you or you know anyone who is interested in caring for Marky.. please have them email me at:

woh_org@yahoo.com

i would appreciate it so much.. Thank you..

K n all

Recently, keepers published a blog concerning our own reevaluation of KEEPERSKORNER. To be honest, big keepers agonized greatly over writing said blog. In fact, we sent it to several people that we respect before clicking the button to put it up on the net. You see, keepers had several questions about what we were doing. Our first question was whether or not that particular blog came across as bragging about what we do here at KK. That question was critical for keepers to have answered because all of us know that doing a good deed and then bragging about it in a blog totally negates any good we may have done. A good deed is only a good deed if it is let go once it is done. The response we received from our associated ministries and from other friends was that keepers were simply stating what we do here at KEEPERSKORNER without bragging in any way. Then keepers asked these same people if this blog followed proper and accepted procedure for blogging protocol to which we were told yes. So, keepers clicked the publish button and sent our reevaluation of KK into cyber space–satisfied that we were doing nothing wrong by posting it. You see, doing the right thing is always important to our system and something we try hard to maintain here at KEEPERSKORNER.

In doing our ministry at KEEPERSKORNER it is important for us to occasionally put up blogs on what we do. That is the only way people out there in the world know that reaching out to KK for this or that may bring desired results. If it were not for the few posts we do about our work here, many people would have no idea that they could reach out to us with this or that need. But other than putting it up on a very minimal basis, keepers tend to not mention the activities of KEEPERSKORNER so that our ministry can be maintained with the true humility keepers feel in doing it.

However, keepers and JM periodically have meetings with other ministry leaders or people interested in KEEPERSKORNER for one reason or another. It is important that we go into these meetings with clear cut statements on what we have accomplished month by month with our own ministry. For that reason (and for the purposes of maintaining our license as a not for profit organization) we maintain accurate records on many things that go on with our work. Each month we update our statistics on three different levels. We have a hard copy of our toll free number intake and output so that people can see how successful this number has been for us. We also maintain a hard copy of our monthly stats for our website and our blog. Mentioning this to fellow bloggers often gets the response that the stats are not important because the blog is ours and that is all that matters. But in doing our ministry stats become very important when we are speaking about what we do. Whenever JM and keepers go into a meeting concerning KK, following is what we take with us.

1.) The first file we take with us is on our toll free number (1.888.752.9070). Our phone company provides us with two separate statements on this number for KEEPERKORNER each month. The first statement (which always remains private) gives us a detailed list of the phone numbers of our callers and it gives us a detailed list of our outgoing calls for the same period. Our outgoing calls are the calls keepers make to do daily contact with people or to remind someone to take their meds and things like that. The second statement is a more general one with daily numbers on incoming and outgoing calls. These stats are important in dealing with others because it shows that in July our toll free number dealt with 1003 phone calls while in October that number dropped to 561 calls. Sharing these statistics with other ministries and interested people in general gives us an opportunity to determine if our toll free number is still worth maintaining and it gives others the chance to evaluate our ministry at KK from a factual point of view.

2.) we take with us a hard copy of our statistics for both visitors to our website and to our blog. These statistics are important for us to maintain because it shows the traffic through each one on a daily basis which enables other ministries and people to evaluate what we are presenting to the world. The fact that some days our website has 528 visitors and other days has only 199 visitors helps us to evaluate how well or how poorly our website is communicating for us. Our blog statistics are important for much the same reason. We share only the numbers in our statistics and nothing else.

3.) The third file we take into meetings is a list of donations that come in to KEEPERSKORNER. This list contains corporations like Homedics who has donated items for us to give away and the corporation that has helped us attain office furniture at minimal cost. This list also contains those private individuals who have donated anything to KK. Names on this list are given by cyber names and the actual names are kept private unless permission is given by the donator for it to be otherwise.

4.) KEEPERSKORNER always takes with us a notebook with hard copies of positive comments on our blog and thank you letters we have received and stories like the one of the little baby girl goat named Keeperskorner. This notebook also contains hard copies of the positive things said on other websites and blog servers about KK. This shows those we are meeting with that people are responding to us well and that the things we do make a real difference for some who reach out to us. This is important for us to share as it shows the integrity of our endeavors to improve the quality of life for those who live in multiplicity. Other ministries and not for profits feel more confident referring people to KEEPERSKORNER based upon this information.

5.) We also take into these meetings a hard copy record of the attacking comments and emails that have come in to KK. Fortunately, these have only come from two sources in the period of 18 months that we have been a legal and official not for profit organization. We also take with us a record of how these attacking communications were handled and their present day status. This file also contains any negative or attacking comments or blogs attached to other sites. Taking this file into a meeting gives our ministry friends and others a chance to evaluate what has come in and how we have handled the situation. It gives others the opportunity to tell keepers what we did wrong to deserve such attacks or to tell us that we did nothing wrong at all. The input of others helps KK to decide if there are actual threats being made against us and how we should handle those. That outside input also helps others to see that the criticism we receive is extremely minimal compared to the good we do.

6.) Lastly, we take into each meeting a financial list of KK’s output with how much has been paid in terms of fulfilling the requests that come in and how much has gone into putting up in motels or helping them have necessary yet unusual items that KK has provided. The financial statement for the cost of maintaining our toll free number is included in this folder. And the cost of maintaining our office; our computers; our website are also all included in this folder.

Having this kind of record system here at KEEPERSKORNER is a necessary thing because it helps us to share with others what we are accomplishing and where we dream of going. It also helps us because it enables us to evaluate shortcomings or downfalls in what we are doing. And these records give us an accurate account of what has happened should someone question the integrity of KK in any way.

Once something is published on a website or blog, it is a matter of public record and keepers are free to maintain all of that in our files. The numbers on our toll free number show nothing more than the amount of activity KEEPERSKORNER receives by maintaining that service. All information given us remains confidential and the identity of the person sharing the information remains confidential as well. All phone calls to our toll free number remain confidential as well. The only exception to this is when we rarely publish a blog like the one we did reevaluating KK where minimals details are shared to tell what we do here. And, when someone attacks in a vicious or threatening  way–those communications are shared with the appropriate people in order to protect keepers and KEEPERSKORNER. These records also enable us to protect visitors to our weblog from hurtful and disrespecting comments made from someone else in cyberspace and to maintain a blogroll that links us to sites and/or blogs that we determine to be safe for others.

These are the inner working here at KEEPERSKORNER. They are no different than any other ministry in that accurate and complete records are maintained at all times. From the standpoint of being a licensed ministry, these records are both necessary and wise for us to keep.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Thanksgiving at KEEPERSKORNER comes with several traditions that make our holiday both unique and right for us. Of course, manning our toll free number over the holiday is quickly becoming our traditional way of spending Thanksgiving.  And giving thanks for all the blessings that have come into our lives is also a tradition on this special day.  But in the center of our Thanksgiving Feast is always a bouquet of bloomless rose stems.  Our local florist saves this part of roses for us and gives them to us as our centerpiece for Thanksgiving Dinner at KEEPERSKORNER. This unique centerpiece is our reminder that JM and keepers need to give thanks for the thorns in our lives as well as the beautiful blessings that come our way.

This year, our centerpiece will represent the thornsaplenty in our lives.  On Thursday, we will bow our heads once  and give thanks for all the wonderful people who fill our lives in today.  Then, we will bow our heads a second time and give thanks for all the thorns this year has brought us.  Believe me, keepers have dealt with plenty of thorns this year and each one has hurt deeply enough to leave scars on our spirits.  But each one has also been a tremendous learning experience and aided keepers in becoming better human beings.  So keepers feel the need to give thanks for not only our blessings but our trials in life over the past year.

The stems in our Thanksgiving bouquet not only have the thorns on the branches.  They have the leaves as well.  Each leaf represents the growth that keepers have gone through over the last year.  For us, there has been a great deal of growth and we have to give thanks for that in spite of the fact that our growing pains are quiet gruesome right now. Keepers are learning new ways to cope and new ways of believing.  That is something for each of us to be very thankful for.

So, our thornsaplenty will adorn our Thanksgiving table not only this year but every year because keepers find it very humbling to remember all the trials and tribulations we have to face between Thanksgivings.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Last year, KEEPERSKORNER manned our toll free number (1.888.752.9070) from Wednesday evening until Monday morning over Thanksgiving weekend here in the US. We decided to do this because keepers know firsthand how intensely painful holidays can be for some people. In truth, our toll free number was quite busy last year during the days of Thanksgiving weekend. That period of time was the beginning of many new and wonderful relationships here at KEEPERSKORNER.

KEEPERSKORNER will be manning our toll free number (1.888.753.9070) 24/7 from Wednesday, November 21, 2007 until Monday morning November 26, 2007. We do need to point out that keepers are just another system of alters with the life experience of living in multiplicity but we are not professionals in any way. However, we are more than happy to share time with others on our toll free number whether it be to ease a fellow survivors loneliness on such a holiday weekend or to share a funny story about something that happened over Thanksgiving Dinner or simply to for you to hear the voice of someone who cares very much about you. You are even welcome to call our toll free number to give us a list of requests for your little alters to receive their Christmas Gifts from KEEPERSKORNER.

While our phones are being manned, JM and keepers will also be roasting our turkey in the over. Terrence and other little keepers will surely be sampling stuffing while our bird cooks to doneness. We will also be watching movies like IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE and MIRACLE ON 24 TH STREET and POLAR EXPRESS. And part of our holiday weekend will be spent painting more on KEEPERSKORNER. We still have our kitchen and our studio and our office to get painted so we will be putting paint to the walls while our toll free number is quiet. However, keepers will be looking forward to each call and give thanks when the phone rings. You see, you will also be giving us a break from painting by calling our toll free number so you will be doing us a huge favor just by reaching out to us.

Keepers are hoping that you will take this holiday weekend to call us at 1.888.752.9070 and get to know us more personally than you can over the internet. By hearing our voice and listening to our words, you have better tools to make your own judgments on who keepers are and what we are all about rather than just judging us by what is written on  our blog or our website.

Keepers look forward to hearing from each of you. Remember, Nov. 21 until Nov. 26 our toll free number (1.888.752.9070) will be manned 24/7.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Keeperskorner has just received another very serious prayer request from JIP .  Their entire system is asking that as many prayers as possible be said tonight for the safety of their alters and of their external children throughout this night (Monday, Nov. 12 into Tuesday Nov. 13).  JIP has also asked for prayers for their safety to continue over the next several days.  They also ask that prayers be said that the entire JIP system may receive forgiveness for issues that plague them in today.  We at Keeperskorner will be praying continually for JIP as will our Prayer Warriors connected with Save Our World Ministries.

We at Keeperskorner thank everyone who is praying for the JIP system at this time.  We have full confidence that God is already at work for them and will see the entire system through this difficult and frightening period of time.

peace and blessings,

keepers and JM

Hi everybody!  Please note at the top there is a new tab, titled christmas for little alters and a like named page on the right sidebar, they both go to the same place, all about requesting gifts for your littles.  We must ask that Littles do not order on their own but ask your bigs if it is okay and what address to use.  We want every one to feel safe and be safe. There are some limits on quantities but only to insure we have enough to go around. We hope this will help bring a few smiles to littles everywhere.

peace and blessings

Keepers and JM

***TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE AND IT SHALL FOLLOW, AS THE NIGHT THE DAY, THOU CANST BE FALSE TO ANY MAN*** William Shakespeare

For the fifty years of life for keepers, we spent every single moment twisting and turning ourselves to be what others said we should be. We have always been so desperate to feel loved and accepted that we were willing to give up our authentic selves to find that sense of emotional security that keepers have always yearned to have. In fact, keepers had come to believe that we were people who had no concept of goodness or truth because so much of who we were was based on the beliefs of others. Keepers had come to accept that we were idiots because that was the mirror image others reflected back to us.

For the entire half a century that keepers parents were on this earth, everyone in our system sought to be what we were taught we should be. So much so was this that keepers failed to see that we were perpetuating our desperation to please our parents even after they were gone. By that, I mean, that not even our home was truly ours. You see, keepers father was a successful interior designer who was obsessed with the color green. Each of the seven rooms in our home has always been green. Not because keepers like green at all but because that was what our father had mandated for our home. And for a great many years, the clothes keepers wore and the furniture in our home and the attitudes keepers presented to the world all came from our parents and not from keepers. Even the faith that keepers chose to raise our external children to follow was the choice of our parents. The schools our children attended were mandated as well by our family of origin. That is how important it was to keepers to feel accepted–if not loved–by the people who brought us into this world.

Then, keepers carried on our need to be what other people said we should be during our years as mothers. We tried very hard to shape and mold ourselves into what the nuns at our children’s school would see as proper and dignified. We rearranged our beliefs and our style of dressing and even the words we used so the we could fit into the click of mothers at their school as well. And when one of our external children said keepers should be this or that, we would stress ourselves completely out trying to transform our system into what our external children thought their mom should be. But worst of all, keepers tried time and time again to transform ourselves into the mother our former therapist (the one who has been convicted on five counts in our case) said we should be. We thought that since he had the degree on his wall he knew far better than keepers did. Unfortunately, it would be way too late when keepers learned the truth of that situation.

In essence, keepers spent the first fifty years of our lives bending over backwards or standing on our heads or just whittling our authentic selves away in order to be what others said we should be. Unfortunately, keepers parents had a different view of what we should be than did the Catholic Church. The Church’s view was very different than what our external children thought we should be and their view was very different from what our former therapist thought we should be so keepers spent half a century getting nowhere and feeling perfectly awful because we were trying to please everyone and be what each wanted us to be. Only now do keepers understand what an impossible situation this had become for us.

For all of those years, keepers lived our lives believing that it was better for us to be in relationships that made us miserable than to have no relationships at all. Keepers lived a life of indebtedness. (Please note that I said indebtedness and not gratitude. There is a huge difference between the two). We lived a life where we kept horrendous secrets because others would not love us if we told. In fact, for the whole of that half a century, keepers were constantly slumped over with our heads hung in shame because everyone criticized everything about us. To be honest, what keepers had was a life not worth living.

The paradox in keepers lives is that we grew up hearing this quote by William Shakespeare every single day of our lives. Our father spoke these words to everyone he could at every opportunity that presented itself. In fact, at our father’s funeral, people stood around commenting on how this man definitely did it his way. Unfortunately, his way was starting every day with a bloody mary and drinking until he passed out in his chair late at night. His way was molesting his daughters and sodomizing his sons. For many years, keepers hated this quote from William Shakespeare because of the man who drove it into our minds.

Several years ago, keepers began doing our yoga practice as a part of our daily lives. We started our yoga from the standpoint that it would be a physical workout for us but nothing more. However, the more we worked with yoga and the more we learned about doing yoga, the more we understood that the practice is truly a spiritual journey as well as a physical workout. For keepers, as our posture straightened and our breathing became normal, we found that everyone in our system was becoming more and more in touch with our authentic selves. As this happened for us, the above quote from William Shakespeare, took on a whole new meaning for us and keepers began to understand that keepers could only be true to others by first being true to ourselves.

Before I go any further, I need to point out that keepers waited until the empty nest syndrome had overtaken our lives before we set out in search of our authentic selves. In many ways keepers think this was a mistake because our external children never got the chance to know who their mother truly was in spite of her multiplicity. But in many ways keepers think waiting until our external children were grown and gone was the only thing we could do because as a family home, this house had to reflect the likes and dislikes of many. Only now that it is just JM and keepers do we feel free to be true to our own selves in a way we have never even dreamed of before.

For keepers, being true to ourselves could not happen until our environment reflected our authentic selves. This has happened for us over a period of several years. First came our need for this body to be an easy place for all alters to live. That happened as our posture straightened and our breathing became healthy. Not only did we free ourselves from unnecessary pain but we opened a door to keepers enjoying life in a way we never thought possible before. Then came keepers finding a hairstyle that suited all of us and learning to dress in ways that made each of us feel both presentable and comfortable. Our system has always had a tremendous desire to be feminine since this was denied us in our childhood so keepers do wear dresses and skirts much of the time. After that came changing Keeperskorner from being a family home to being a place that suits the tastes and lifestyle of JM and keepers. This has been a long slow process but the painting we are doing now is obliterating the green from our lives. (Our kitchen will still be green but a very different green than our father would have chosen) and casting out the furniture that was chosen by others. Slowly but surely, Keeperskorner is becoming authentically Keeperskorner and that makes keepers very happy.

Over the last several years, keepers have faced three separate situations where we had to make a choice between doing the popular thing by keeping quiet on certain situations or following our own beliefs and speaking out in an effort to protect others. One of these situations was reporting our former therapist which we are glad we did since he has been convicted on five different counts in our case which means he will never have the chance to harm another client the way he did keepers. The second situation came when keepers were made aware that our worse perpetrator in childhood was still sexually abusing children and had passed on this tradition to his adult son. Again, keepers are glad we spoke out through proper channels because our uncle has been removed from his home and placed in a home where he will never be around children again. And third involved reporting another family member which turned out to be a good thing because our words were heard and we have been told this family member is seeing a professional about his problem.

To be honest, keepers live a very lonely and difficult life in today. But the way our lives today are truly based on choices that keepers have made. Each one was a very painful choice for keepers to make. We did not make them with superficial thinking in any way. We always thought things through and we always spoke with a multitude of people who had valuable input into the decision we were making. Each time, keepers went into our speaking out knowing full well that reporting a therapist would damage our chances of another therapist being willing to work with us and we went into reporting family members knowing full well that our action would lead to our being rejected on all levels which has turned out to be true. Knowing full well what the cost of our speaking out would be does not make keepers reality easier to live with or any less painful but part of our healing through our Novena to St. Jude is keepers coming to remember that we freely chose to do the right thing which is why we are where we are in today.

However, many good changes have come from keepers speaking out. First, keepers were very blessed because the authorities continually listened to us. That helped keepers a whole lot because the belief that no one would ever believe us disintegrated into nothingness. Second, the state of Missouri validated the truth of our multiplicity in the matter of public record papers concerning our former therapist which gives keepers a validation that will stay with us forever. Third, keepers were found to be credible witnesses which means we can trust what we see as true. In fact, the entire experience of the last few years has shown keepers that we can trust our own gut instincts and that we are right to listen when spirit speaks from within us. We have learned to follow our own beliefs even when the cost is painfully high to us. All in all, keepers have come to understand that we can only be true to others when we are true to ourselves.

In doing KEEPERSKORNER, we have many people we turn to for advice and opinions. Among these are our John Michael and Pastor Don Brown and others that we consider dear friends who we see as simply far wiser than keepers. The one statement that we have constantly heard is that keepers are literally KEEPERSKORNER. For a long time we have rejected that statement because we see our ministry as being a conglomeration of people working together to improve the quality of life for multiples everywhere. But now we understand what our mentors are saying to us. Keepers are KEEPERSKORNER because we are the ones putting ourselves out there and placing our beliefs on the line. And keepers always listen carefully when our mentors speak to us but the final decisions are always keepers to make simply because we live in multiplicity so we are the ones with first hand experience on what KEEPERSKORNER needs to be.

Keepers have come to know that doing our ministry here at KEEPERSKORNER means we must be true to ourselves and our beliefs in order to be true to the people who reach out to us. That means keepers have the responsibility for maintaining both our site and our blog as a safe place for other multiples to come and to reach out to. So, keepers are learning that when a situation feels dangerous in some way to keepers–it will also feel unsafe to those who visit us. Keepers always have to remember now that those who will bring harm to keepers will freely bring harm to others too. We learned this through our former therapist and through our own perpetrator. It is never only keepers that someone will harm and being ever vigilant of that is important to maintain KEEPERSKORNER as authentically us.

Several months ago, KEEPERSKORNER was hit by a vicious and cruel attacker. The vengeance of our attacker went on for months and eventually got so threatening to keepers lives that we went to the police and after that to the INTERNET CRIME COMPLAINT CENTER. As we went through this experience, keepers were of the belief that we must have been doing something bad for this to happen to us. But everyone from Pastor to the police to others told keepers that we are doing a good thing with our ministry here at KEEPERSKORNER and that there are people who do not like it when good things are being done. ( Also, there are people who do not like the fact that keepers, who were once very weak and vulnerable have become strong enough to be true to ourselves and to follow our unique path.) Time and time again, keepers were told that our attacker was doing so because KEEPERSKORNER was doing good work and whoever was attacking did not like that. This was a lesson keepers should have learned long ago because many people have always been out to sabotage keepers whenever we tried to heal and have a life of our own. Unfortunately, it has only been since our attacker that keepers have learned the truth of how much people are out to sabotage each other.

Today is Monday, November 12, 2007. KEEPERSKORNER website and blog are still here. There are changes in the works solely because we need a format where updates and changes can be regular events. But KEEPERSKORNER is and always will be based on keepers beliefs and will be run from the standpoint of keepers being our authentic selves. What this means is that our ministry will always be run from the standpoint that keepers want to give to this community of survivors far more than we take. It means that keepers give from our hearts at all times and ask only for common courtesy in return. It means that keepers always offer our story from our perspective and know full well that people will believe only what they want to believe. It means that keepers know, too, that when all is said and done–KEEPERSKORNER can be here and offer what we offer but the final choice on reaching out to us is up to each individual system of alters.

In keepers personal lives, we also have come to be true to ourselves. We are married to a man that keepers love and believe in to the fullest. Being survivors of abuse, we watched carefully as he fathered our children and keepers are very proud of his parenting over the span of many years. As far as other family relationships, keepers have come to know that being blood related does not obligate us in any way. Only when family members treat keepers with caring and respect will keepers respond with the same. Other than that, it is best for those family members to seek their own companions while keepers do the same.

“To thine own self be true and it shall follow as the night the day, thou canst be false to any man.” Keepers find it very ironical that our system grew up hating these words because of the hypocritical way they were taught to us only to come full circle and see that (when put in a proper light) William Shakespeare was sharing the wisdom of the ages when he wrote these profound words.

Gotta go. Lots of painting to do this evening.

peace and blessings,

keepers

KEEPERSKORNER is proud to be including the above REMEMBER BRACELET in our CHRISTMAS AT KEEPERSKORNER CELEBRATION.  Each of these bracelets is made and donated to KK by Sarah of IdgyEdgy.  They are made of Hemp and have varying beads on each one.  As you can read, the accompanying tag is simple yet beautiful in its sentiment is that the wearer is loved and cared for by others out here in the world.

KEEPERSKORNER has received a collection of these wonderful REMEMBER BRACELETS for us to give away as gifts during our Christmas Celebration.  However, since each bracelet is handmade we are limited in the number we have to off.  So, if you would like a REMEMBER BRACELET for Christmas please let us know as soon as possible.  KEEPERSKORNER will fill as many requests as possible before Christmas.  Once our supply is gone–your name will be added to a waiting list and a bracelet will be sent to you as new stock comes in.

We at KEEPERSKORNER really want to that Sarah and IdgyEdgy for sharing their talents with KEEPERSKORNER through these beautiful bracelets.  Many people already have one as they have been on our website for quite a while now.  All we can say to Sarah is that she has made a big difference in many peoples lives by giving them a bracelet that lets the wearer know someone really does care.  Thank you so very much, our dear little Sarah.

Please click here to request your Remember Bracelet

peace and blessings to each of you,

keepers