This past Sunday was Veteran’s Day here in the U.S. That is the day we Americans set aside each year to honor those who have served in our military over the years. For keepers, it is a day when we think of the veterans we have known in our own lives but never attend the parades or services around our city. Largely, this is because Veteran’s Day is not one our JM has off work so it passes without much notice here at KEEPERSKORNER.

Well, this past Sunday night was one of those rare times when keepers had the 10:00 news playing in the background while we were working on other things. At some point, a story came on about the veterans here in St. Louis and many from one home were being interviewed about how they view the war in Iraq. While keepers were focusing on winding up the day here at KEEPERSKORNER, we heard a voice coming from our television. Without even looking up to put a face with the voice, our littles knew that the veteran who was being interviewed was none other than an old neighbor (from when we were growing up) named B.D. Before long, keepers just had to turn toward the tv to make sure we were right in who we were hearing. Lo and behold, right there on our television was B.D. speaking in the gentle voice that keepers remember from so long ago. In shock, we beckoned our JM to the office so that he could see that this man was actually on the local news. JM was as surprised as keepers because it had been well over 25 years since we have seen or heard of B.D. in any way. After this news story ended, JM went back to work on the computer and keepers continued to shut down KEEPERSKORNER for the night. We did not give this incidence even one more conscious thought.

Keepers did not realize that seeing our old neighbor on tv was unearthing many simple memories in our minds. However, over the last few days, I have watched Polly (our 14 year old alter) as she was holding Max in her arms and thinking about how B.D. had long ago given her a Siamese kitten that she named Haiku. Then, in bed one night, I could hear Terrence (another of our child alters) remembering how this neighbor had told him that our parents were such alcoholics that drinking grain alcohol was not beyond the realm of possibility for them. And another alter began having memories of this neighbor sitting in our living room drinking beer and eating Leiderkranz cheese while watching the Super Bowl. After a day or two, I began to realize that simple memories of a man from long ago were coming to the surface totally because we happened to see him on the local news.

There was a time when seeing someone like B.D. on television would have been a huge trigger for our system. Just hearing his voice without looking at his face would have thrown keepers into one abreaction (the actual reliving of traumatic events) after another. We would have thought of this neighbor giving Polly the cat and gone into reliving what happened to that pet. Or, we would have gone into abreacting the abuse that never failed to occur in our home after Dad had a Sunday of doing nothing but sitting and drinking. Looking back to last Sunday, I really think our JM must have thought we would be off and running in our abreactive world since this trigger had so innocently appeared on our television set.

But, the truth is, that the incident came and went without one single abreaction erupting. Instead of keepers buying back into what this neighbor represented in our lives and catapulting back to reliving those traumatic events in our lives, we found ourselves dealing with simple memories that our system could handle. Some of what came back to us was not pleasant in any way–like recalling the levity of our parents alcoholism but it was something we controlled instead of the memories controlling keepers. We shed a few tears over what life was for us back then and we even journaled a little about what we were remembering but the honest truth is that we knew keepers have gone from actually reliving traumatic events to just plain remembering without being triggered. For us, that is an absolutely gigantic step forward.

Recently, keepers heard of someone saying to a little alter (in another system) that the 9 year old inner child had both the ability and the responsibility to stop her abreactions from happening. Hearing this 9 year olds story made keepers stop and really think because our system spent so many years dealing with one abreaction after another while feeling like no one in our system had any power to stop them. Something would happen–we were triggered and, as our JM would say “keepers were off to the races” in terms of abreacting. In all honesty, as I look back over those many years, I can not remember anyone saying anything about keepers having either the ability or the responsibility to just make abreactions go away in our lives. In today, keepers look back over the last 30 years of our lives and we fully believe that not one of us had any power to make our reliving our abusive years go away.

However, something has changed for keepers in a major way. As recently as last spring keepers felt like we were constantly walking through mine fields of triggers that could blow us out of the water at any given moment. But the fact that we saw B.D. on our local news and even sat watching him as he spoke his piece without being triggered back into what once was for us shows keepers that we are still gaining ground on living a more healthy life where we control our memories much more than they control us.

In all honesty, it takes a tremendous amount of work every single day for keepers to remain in a place where our past has no power in our lives. We have to work hard to stay physically strong because that gives us the sense of being strong enough to defend ourselves if need be. We have to be devoted to our spiritual life in every way because that gives us the sense that our Higher Power is ever watching over us. We have to maintain our constant commitment to KEEPERSKORNER because that gives keepers both a sense of purpose and worth on this earth. And we have to be ever aware that keepers can and should trust our own instincts at any given moment because we do have good minds and we see things much more clearly than anyone ever led us to believe. But day after day keepers wake up in the morning knowing we have a long and difficult day ahead of us where we have to work really hard to remain in a place where–more and more–our memories are becoming something we think about without having to relive.

Today, more than ever before, keepers consider ourselves true survivors because we have made it through the worst part of dealing with our abusive past and we have gained control over our system in ways we never thought possible. It was only a few years ago when keepers woke up each morning simply fighting to survive. Now, it feels awesome to know we wake up working to maintain our status of thriving in this world.

love and blessings,

keepers