AND SO WE LET IT BE September 21, 2007
Posted by kprsjohn in Uncategorized.trackback
It has been less than a week since keepers received our copy of what is now a matter of public record in our case against our former therapist. In all honesty, those papers contained quite a bit that came as a shock to all keepers. I do not know what keepers really thought those papers would contain but I do know that they contained much more than keepers ever thought would be a matter of public record.
One thing that is now a matter of public record is keepers multiplicity. We are referred to as TW, which is our legal initials. For some strange reason, even seeing that much in the papers came as a shock to keepers. Then, the papers go on to explain that our system of alters is known as keepers. After that, the papers continue to list quite a few of our alters–ranging from baby on up to our 80 year old alter. This pretty much blew us away because we were not expecting it. We should have been fine with it because our multiplicity is common knowledge to those who come through KEEPERSKORNER. But going public with our multiplicity is very different on the site than it is having it go public in a legal document that really is a matter of public record.
At first, keepers wanted to run away and hide when we realized that the truth of our multiplicity is now accepting and made public on such a legal level. For one thing, keepers are keenly aware that our external children want to hide keepers away in the attic because they are so ashamed of having a multiple mother. So, having our multiplicity out there in such a public way will mean only more contempt and disdain coming from them should they ever see this document. It has taken keepers a few days to process and accept that this is our reality now but we came to realize that this is something that is right in some way. So, keepers held an internal meeting and came to the agreement on our public multiplicity. The agreement stated simply that we will simply let this be and not try to change it in any way.
The one advantage to having our multiplicity become a matter of public record on a legal document is that no one can ever accuse us of not being what we have always said we are. This is important to us because the therapist who first diagnosed our multiplicity became angry with keepers at one point and set about to change her diagnosis to borderline personality. And we have a sister who wants nothing more than to deny the fact that her older sister is a multiple that goes by keepers more than by our legal name. Besides, for KEEPERKORNER having our mutlitplicity as a matter of public record is tangible proof that keepers are what we claim to be which is important to us.
To be honest, keepers are still trying to adjust to our multiplicity being so public and part of a legal document that will soon appear on the net. It is scarey for us that this is happening but we have learned to see it as keepers “coming out of the closet” so to speak which is something we all know will come to peace within our system in due time. However, today, we are tolerating the fear and shame of our multiplicity being so public in this manner while we learn to live with this as our new reality.
Someone once told keepers that when have told all of our story–keepers will never have anything to hide from anyone. I do not think keepers have illustrated our story becoming known in so many ways but it has happened and we are finding that we feel like keepers have less and less to hide as we journey through our lives. In a way, we find that very scarey because keepers have always had to live with deep dark secrets. That way of life is familiar and safe to us because keepers have never lived any other way. But it is also true that the more public and more official our multiplicity becomes, the freer keepers feel and the stronger we get because the energy we put into carrying our families deep dark secrets now gets put into living our own lives.
Keepers thought seriously about going to the AG and asking if this document could be changed to protect our truth a little better. But then keepers realized that there is not one reason for us to do that. We have absolutely nothing more to lose as those we have loved so dearly are already gone from us. And keepers have nothing at all to be ashamed of in being labeled a mutliple in a legal document. That very multiplicity was what helped keepers survive in childhood and to survive our 17 years of dealing with our former therapist so, in essence, we need to feel proud of who and what keepers are.
So, when we put up the link to the statement that is now a matter of public record and you go there–you will see keepers listed just exactly as I stated above. We hope that each of you will remember that this is by keepers choice. We did not ask (in any way for it to be there) but realizing that it is allowed keepers to choose to simply let it be the way it is.
peace and blessings,
keepers
Someday i hope that you learn to feel and cary the pride in your heart that I have for you. You should be proud you stood up for yourselves. This is important. Now your no longer a victim. I hate that word.
Most importantly it proves more then anything esle could that you can make a difference and that you can control your own fate.
Head up keepers
stand tall
because today you won the war
be proud!!
All I can say to wolfbaby’s comment is, “Ditto!”
Wow, thats really huge. I can imagine the mix of emotions I would feel. I’m not ready and doubt I’ll ever be ready to “come out of the closet” about my own multiplicity issues. Scary to think about, but you are SO VERY brave. I hope that your old therapist gets what is coming to them. Is it over at KeepersKorner you’re going to post the link at? Let me know when you do I’d like to check it out!
Hope & Love Sent,
~ Ani
I’m sorry that your children have abandoned you, that is very sad. You have nothing to be ashamed of because you are a multiple and neither do they.
I don’t know why some people are afraid of multiplicity. From what I can tell, we’re some really nice people!! I don’t care who knows I’m a multiple. I tell people all the time after they’ve known me for a while. I figure the more people who know and see me getting along in the world ok, the more people will learn to be accepting of us all. Someday there won’t be a stigma attached to multiplicity. I truly believe that. And you coming out of the closet and me and others, we’re going to be the ones responsible for folks changing their opinions. It’ll be a good thing!!
ps Glad that you are back!!!!
Screw anyone who doesn’t value who you are!
Okay, I know it’s not that easy. Seriously, though, focus on everyone who does value you. Focus on everyone who believes in you.
Few people will read the document (relatively speaking) Those who do may learn something. If it is meant to be public it will be because the universe needs a voice to speak for everyone who has been shunned or tormented because they were multiple, because they were different.
You won. A court said you deserved to be treated with kindness and respect. A court said you matter.
Dear WB
Learning to take pride in who Keepers are has been a very hard lesson for us to learn. You see, Keepers have always been the ones to hang our heads in shame. However, you are right, Keepers become less and less victims every day. Largely because we are constantly learning from winners like you.
Peace and blessings
Keepers
Dear Beautifuldreamer
Keepers really wish we would have had to deal with our multiplicity being a matter of public record before your contest ended. We would have found it interesting in healing to have entered our essay on this in your contest.
Peace and blessings
Keepers
Dear Ani
To be honest Keepers had no idea whether we were brave or not. We do know that Keepers were very blessed in how the last 7 years unfolded. From our JM to the licensing committee to the AG and even to the judge, Keepers were treated with caring and respect at all times, had it been otherwise I don’t know if we could have seen this through.
Peace and blessings
Keepers
Dear risingrainbow
Through Keepers Korner we have come to live a life that focuses greatly on multiplicity. Not so much on the negatives of multiplicity but on what an amazing gift we been given through our one body many people way of life. You are so right, the kindest people Keepers know are the multiples in our lives. They are also the smartest, most creative, and most tender hearted people anyone can imagine.
peace and blessings
Keepers
Dear April_Optimist
Keepers have always had a dream of linking arms with our daughters and as a team marching out to take on the world. Instead of it being our daughters we do this with it is the amazing and wonderful people we have come to know through Keepers Korner.
To be honest feeling like a winner puts Keepers in uncharted territory. In essence we are having to learn how to navigate in these pristine new waters. And, the fact that our case mattered both to the State of Missouri and within the support system we have around us, has left Keepers just sitting in amazement for a while! We know that this experience has been a huge part of our healing.
peace and blessings
Keepers