Dear RF,

It was just a few days ago that keepers received our copy of the papers that are now “a matter of public record” in our case against you. Reading the entire 16 pages felt, to keepers, like being sucked back into your power and control over us. The more we read, the louder your voice seemed to be telling us (just as it used to–time and time again) that we were the bad ones and we were the ones who did not see things correctly. That old feeling of you having all the power and wisdom came flooding back to everyone in our system as we sunk back into the hopelessness and despair you always made sure consumed each one of us. In fact, keepers felt so bad that we stopped writing our blog and began living in fear of what you might do next.

Everyone from our John Michael and the Attorney General and our friends is telling keepers that we won our case against you hands down. Some are even patting us on the back and congratulating keepers for our victory over you. All keepers have done is, hopefully, stop you in your tracks and protect other clients from being harmed as badly as keepers were. You see, keepers know–all too well–that we will always wear the scars of what you did to us and that we will never have the life we wanted to have thanks to the 17 years we spent trusting you as our therapist of record. The truth is that–if keepers had come out of this winners in any way–we would be celebrating with a family barbecue and softball game in the back yard. Instead, keepers are having to, once again, face the fact that the damage you did is not repairable in any way. Thanks to you, keepers will never again see ourselves as mothers in any way. Thanks to you, keepers will never have the chance to enjoy being Grandmothers. To us, that makes keepers the losers in this entire scenario.

These papers that are now “a matter of public record” state clearly that you were willful in what you did to keepers. That means you destroyed our lives intentionally which will be extremely difficult for keepers to ever forgive. For one thing, our own parents did so much to destroy life for all keepers. Then, you came along and finished destroying what little keepers had in life–leaving us in a place of knowing thanks to you, this is it for us.

These papers state clearly that you failed to help keepers learn to live in society with the diagnosis of MPD. Worse than that, you failed to help keepers learn to live within this family as a multiple. Keepers turned to you for advice on our son and you told us not to worry when we needed to worry very much. Keepers turned to you for advice on eating disorders and you told us our daughter would outgrow them so we should not worry. Time and time again–over the span of 17 years–keepers turned to you for guidance on what we should as mothers. Time and time again, we listened to you and followed your advice. Keepers trusted you to act in the best interest of this family which you never once did.

The sad thing is that you–above all others–knew what it meant to keepers to be mothers.  You knew full well how very precious our son and daughters were to all keepers.  You had the ability to either help us be good mothers to them or to sabotage that in every way possible.  You chose the latter by keeping us in a perpetual abreactive state instead of helping us find coping skill that worked for keepers.  You sabotaged us by discounting our children’s problems when we brought them to you for advice.  You freely and consciously and willfully chose to destroy the most precious thing keepers ever had which was being mothers. How do we ever forgive you for that?

But, still, the worst thing you did was make everything about keepers abreactive in one way or another. No matter what was happening, you labeled it an abreaction and set about trying to fix it by putting keepers through yet another painful memory. You told us our toothache was an abreaction in spite of the dentist finding a real broken tooth that was razor sharp. You labeled the mass in my right breast an abreaction in spite of the mammograms and ultrasounds and biopsies showing it was real in today. You even tagged our menopause as nothing more than abreactions even when we had the test results in our hands.

These papers say that your focus on abreactions only “could have harmed the patient”. In today, keepers spend so much time really needing to know how much more harm you could have possibly caused our system. The truth of the matter is that you put keepers 17 agonizing years of doing nothing but reliving what we went through as children. You took from us all the fact that we were human beings who deserved a life beyond our abuse. You denied keepers any chance to feel like we had good, working minds. But, mostly, you stole from keepers the very reason we were fighting so hard to heal–the chance to be a wife and mother and eventually grandmother. To keepers, that is harm piled upon harm which is unforgivable.

It is clear that you got to know keepers very well. Too well for our own safety as you were using against us all that you were learning about us. You knew that the most precious thing in this world to all keepers is love. You knew that our little keepers only wanted to be loved on this earth. Each of your emails shows that you used love as a means to control and manipulate keepers to be who and what you wanted us to be. You knew that the words saying you loved us would hook us in and keep us trusting you–no matter what you did–so that is what you said to us over and over again–all the while isolating keepers and crippling our abilities to think for ourselves. And you did this to us, intentionally. How can keepers ever for you for that?

These “matter of public record” papers also state that you promoted separateness among keepers. I know the reason you did that to us. The more separate keepers were, the more mind control you had over us. The more we were pawns to you instead of human beings who deserved a life beyond therapy.

Keepers left you in 2001 or 2002. Still, it was just this past October (2006) when you last contacted us via snail mail. For six long years, keepers tried hard to move on in spite of the fact that we knew you had used hypnosis to prevent us ever working with another therapist again. We tried hard to have a life after you. We had our phone number changed so you could not call us. You began emailing John at work. Then, you went to writing us via snail mail. You were the one that would not let go. Keepers wonder why that is. Could it be that you knew you could still control and manipulate our system by telling us of your love for us?

Keepers are so thankful that our complaint is finished now and that you were found guilty on every count. We are glad that the truth is out there and that even the Attorney General tells keepers we did nothing wrong. Keepers are angry that you made us your victims when what we wanted was some real, honest help. Keepers are devastated that our system was stupid enough to believe you were acting in our best interest and knowledgeable enough to know what you were doing.

Someday, keepers will feel forgiveness in our hearts for the harm you did not only to us but to our JM and our external children. But that day is a very long way off because our system is still reeling from the reality you always told us was nothing more than our misperceptions. Someday, keepers will look back and see you as nothing more than a thorn in our side that just simply would not go away.

I have no idea what will come next for keepers. I have no idea how keepers will heal from all you stole from our lives. But I do know that keepers went through the proper channels and did what we had to in order to keep you from ever acting as a therapist again. I know, too, that keepers will continue (with the help and love of our John Michael) trying to heal and trying to have the life we were meant to have.

Your former clients,

keepers