Administrative Hearing Commission

Case No.: 06-0205 PS
Title: State Committee of Psychologists vs. Robert Fiebiger
Description:
Suffix: PS - DED/Committee of Psychologists Lic.
Date: 08/23/2007

The above link takes you to the Hearing Commissions site where the matter of public record papers in our case against our former therapist are there for your viewing. After you click the link, you will have to scroll down to the case number which is 06-0205PS to read the document. The fact that these papers are now public record for anyone to read finally brings closure to our complaint against this awful man, which was filed in 2003. Keepers thank God that this leg of our journey is finally over. We trust the State of Missouri to punish our former therapist accordingly.

Just so you know, our blog about our day at 6 Flags immediately follows this one.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Yesterday was a very special day for our little keepers. The corporation our JM works for gives their employees one day a year at the 6 FLAGS just outside St. Louis, Mo. The company pays for everything from parking to tickets to lunch and even drinks for the day. JM and keepers have attended this event before but always with family members along to enjoy the free day. This year, JM and keepers decided to not take anyone with us and allow the day to be one where little keepers could have a taste of what it is like to have a happy childhood. To be honest, big keepers were amazed at how much fun our little alters were capable of having and how completely uninhibited they were with no one standing there criticizing them for everything they do or say. You see, our JM has never (in our 38 years together) been embarrassed to be with any keeper–big or little. He always walks with pride whether it is a big or a little holding his hand. So, this day turned out to be one of the most special our little keepers ever experienced.

The above picture was taken as we were entering the park. The guy is, of course, our John Michael and the keeper is Andi (one of our alters who is more outgoing than the rest of us). Please notice the red baseball cap on Andi’s head. The hat belongs to our 7 year old alter, Terrence. Andi wore it to keep the sun off of our head and out of our eyes. Unfortunately, on the very first ride (a roller coaster) the baseball cap flew off and was forever lost in the oblivion of the foliage that surrounded that roller coaster.

The above picture here was taken on the Log Flume. Actually, this picture was taken during our second ride on the flume. The picture is of Terrence enjoying himself more than he ever has before. Throughout the ride, he was squealing and laughing like never before. In fact, when we got to the end of the ride, the young man (who helped us out of the log) leaned over and asked ARE YOU REALLY HAVING SUCH A GRAND TIME? Terrence looked the guy in the eye and said OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Our JM does not usually purchase professional picture because they are soooooooooo expensive but when he saw Terrence’s face here-he just had to have the picture and bought it.

Our little tiny alters could have sat for hours and watched the man in the above picture make bubbles like this one. The man was a pure artist when it came to bubble making. He was also very patient with our John Michael trying to get pictures of each bubble while our very little alters sat in awe of the magical bubbles floating in mid air.

Patrick and Terrence (Twin brothers in our system. Alters that are 7 years old) thought it was the neatest thing to get to see some of their favorite super heroes posed and ready for picture taking. They had JM get busy photographing the super heroes as they stood ready to be captured on film. Actually, some of our girl alters were also quite excited to have their very own photograph of Wonder Woman, as well.

The above picture is of Patrick in the stockade. I have no idea why he wanted this picture taken–except that big keepers have had many times when we felt the desire to string Patrick up for his antics. Anyway, this is Patrick in the stockade.

Our John Michael took this picture of keepers the moment after our cap flew off while we were riding the Mine Train. The neat thing about this picture is the perfectly blue sky that was with us all day long as well as temperatures in the low 80’s.

At some point, our JM took the little keepers into a shop to look around. Our little girl keepers found a wonderful pink Super girl cape. Somehow, they lost out to the boys who wound up purchasing the above Superman cape. Once outside, all the littles wanted to put the cape on. They wore it with pride the rest of the day. Besides, our 9-13 year old girl keepers eventually got to purchase a hat to replace the baseball cap that flew off. The hat they bought is so gawdy and tasteless that it deserves a blog all its own which will be written someday in the future along with picture of said hat.

But, the most important thing is that our little keepers had the best day ever and for the first time came home with souvenirs to treasure for forever.

This above picture is of Thunder River, which is a favorite ride for all keepers. Both JM and keepers laughed and talked with other people while we were riding the rough waters. We got off the ride thoroughly soaked but the weather was warm enough that we barely noticed. We moved on to the next ride in drenched jeans and dripping wet hair. Our little keepers were in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!

This picture is of our very little keepers riding the carousel. This particular flash of the camera caught our Brandi smiling from ear to ear. Brandi is less than 5 years old and was just having so much fun on the carousel.

As you can see we had on a shirt that said I”M A KEEPER. Our JM bought this shirt for us quite a while ago and it has been worn very seldom. But our trip to 6 Flags seemed a wonderful day to wear it. We got several comments on the shirt but, of course, no one knew the true meaning of I’M A KEEPER which made it kind of fun for everyone in our system.

All in all, this was one of the best days ever for our little keepers. They had never before been given a chance to just be themselves and simply have fun for an entire day. It was so worth the effort. And we are all looking forward to our trip to 6 Flags next year.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Today, John Michael and keepers began a four day weekend that has been long awaited by us all.  Today and Sunday, we will be spending here in the studio working on KEEPERSKORNER business and trying to organize our storage rooms.  Tomorrow morning, keepers will try to blog and then be out the door to have lunch at our favorite place and then do who knows what in the afternoon.  Then, Saturday, we will take our little keepers to the local amusement park for the day on the dime of JM’s employer.  This will be our little alters day to celebrate their victory over our former therapist.  In all honesty, keepers are really looking forward to this long weekend with our JM and plan to enjoy it to the fullest.  This will not be down time for KEEPERSKORNER because keepers will maintain all contact that we have committed to and will still try to do things like blogging but we do see this as a time for keepers to rejuvenate and refocus our energies.

This four day weekend came at the perfect time because keepers are at a point where we need–so badly–to recommit to the life that works for us.  We need to make yoga an even greater part of our lives.  We need to remember what it is that matters most to all keepers and we need to find our way back to feeling both love and joy in our hearts.  In essence, keepers need to–once again–feel that balance in our system where we know that each one of us it in touch with our authentic selves.  This is something keepers have lost over the last year and something we need to rediscover with relative haste which is what this weekend is all about.

Keepers have spent way too much time thinking about our case against our former therapist and grieving over what his treatment has cost us.  We have to accept the bottom line in all of this which is that so much of the damage he did is in ways that can never be repaired.  So, keepers are working on letting go of what has been and looking to the beauty of our lives in today.  For us, that is much easier said than done but accomplishing a transition from focusing on yesterday to thriving in today is well worth whatever effort it will take.

John Michael and keepers will have lots of fun over the next few days.   That will bring relief to the huge weight of pain keepers have been feeling.  It will also brighten our spirits and give us the strength to focus more on healing than on suffering.  Keepers have learned to take time for playing so that the weight of everything does not have a chance to drag us under.

So, if you come to our blog and one is not up that day–please do not worry or think that something is wrong.  Keepers are just giving us a chance to feel better and be who we think we really are.  We will be back blogging daily when Monday rolls around and we will be thriving in a whole new way.  Besides, by then, we may be able to put up the link to the matter of public record statement on our former therapist which will feel so good to all keepers.

We will be thinking of our cyber family as we enjoy fresh shrimp tomorrow afternoon for lunch.  We will be thinking of you as Terrence and Emily Ann ride a literal roller coaster on Saturday afternoon.  (It will be so nice to be off our emotional roller coaster ride that has lasted much too long. )  We will hold each of our new family members in our hearts as JM and keepers walk hand in hand through the amusement park and keepers find the strength to meet some of his coworkers that we have never met before.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Over the last seven years, keepers have learned three lessons that have changed our lives.  First, we have learned that what keepers think strongly affects what happens as we move from day to day.  Second, we have learned that what keepers put out there in the world is exactly what comes back to us in one way or another.  And, third, keepers have learned that there are times when we have to really look for the good things that fill our lives.  Even when it seems like there are none, those good and wonderful parts of life are always there waiting for keepers to acknowledge their presence.  Mostly, keepers do pretty well with remembering each of these new lessons and with allowing them to guide us in all we think and do.

But, when keepers go through an extended period of time where one difficult thing after another arises for us to deal with and ultimately survive, our system of alters very readily seems to jump track and slip back into old thought patterns and beliefs.  One by one, our focus seems to turn from all the blessings we have to all that has gone wrong and all that we are lacking.  Each day that passes seems to draw keepers back into the way our lives SHOULD be and how far off course keepers managed to get.  The truth is that it is easy for keepers to veer away from our new lessons learned and things like our yoga that keep our system thriving most of the time.  Because it is so easy for us to do, it often happens without our noticing and we find ourselves deep in hopelessness and despair much like we once felt constantly.

The last nine months have been extremely taxing for keepers.  A lot of what has happened has already been blogged about so we will choose to not go there again.  Suffice it to say that  this has been a period of time when keepers have been losing strength at a phenomenal rate and giving away power that we should always maintain within our system.  For months now, keepers have been sinking more and more into the way life used to be for us while forgetting to see the beauty and wonder of our lives in today.

When keepers stop and sit back to think about life for us in today–we have to remember to accentuate the positive.  When we stop and look at the positive in our lives, keepers realize how incredibly blessed each one of us really is.  The positives in keepers lives far outweigh the negatives.  For us, the balance of power comes when we let go of the negatives and focus on accentuating the positives.

The greatest positive keepers have is our relationships with our John Michael.  He cares so much about us and always tries to understand what we are going through.  Our family ceremony on September 1 has made this relationship between JM and keepers even more precious.  He is amazed at how much our little keepers have begun thriving since they finally see themselves as part of a family.

Another positive is that our little keepers have friendships of their own with young alters in other systems.  I see these as friendships but our little keepers see some of these other alters as their true brothers and sisters.  This is an experience that I never thought our little keepers would have in life.  Instead of grieving those who saw our littles as not good enough, keepers are remembering now to focus on those relationships where there is mutual caring and fellowship which is such an incredible positive for our little keepers.

Another positive that keepers need to accentuate in our lives is our ever precious relationships with women all over the world who are such awesome human beings.  Keepers see one of these wonderful women as an aunt to our littles.  Others we see as sisters who are sharing our journey with us.  And, there is one that keepers see as our beautiful cyber daughter who has brought so much joy into our lives.  Each one of these women has brought so much to keepers.  They have been the people who have taught keepers what it really means to be a woman.  And they have also been the ones that let keepers know what we have to offer in a relationship has  value to some people out there.  When keepers begin to sink back into old ways, we are going to try very hard to remember the incredible women who have come into our lives and walk the healing journey with us each and every day.

For keepers, accentuating the positive is not always easy to do.  Sometimes, we get in our own way of doing that simply by allowing old tapes to resurface and begin playing at full volume while letting the new lessons slip into silence.  It takes a lot of work for keepers to make the new lessons louder than the old tapes but the work is so worth it.  It is when keepers remember to accentuate the positive that we are able to thrive and really feel the joy of being alive.

For keepers, there is a lightness to life.  There is a freedom in breathing deeply.  There is such joy in letting the negatives go.  There is power in trusting our own perceptions.  But, even more than all of that, there is a balance in being able to remember to accentuate the positive.

I hope this blog makes sense on some level because keepers wrote it without stopping to read what we were writing.  We needed to let the words flow without really thinking about them.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Last week, keepers were busily at work on KEEPERSKORNER when our personal phone rang. I looked at our caller ID and saw that it was the local hospital that keepers had gone to last spring when we were not feeling well. Since I know that insurance has only just paid their part of keepers bill I figured it was the billing department calling to request our part of the bill. However, our voice mail picked up and the number left no message at all–which seemed unusual to me because billing people always seem to leave a message–at least one requesting a call back from us. I called the number on the caller ID and discovered it was a generic number for the hospital and that they had no way to route me through to the person who had called. At the time, keepers felt the fear that this call just might be more than a contact from the billing office. However, we let it go as nothing else happened after that.

Then, today, keepers were–once again–busy on work for KEEPERSKORNER when our personal phone rang. This time the caller ID said the MAYO CLINIC. I picked up the phone to answer it but the phone I was using was out of juice since it was a wireless. Again, I assumed some place like that would surely leave a message but none was on our voice mail. I called the number on our caller ID back. On the other end of the phone was a recording saying we had reached the MAYO CLINIC but that there was no way to tell who had placed the call. Now, after our call last week–this one freaked keepers out just a little bit so we called our John Michael at work. He called the number just as we did and got the same recording. Then, he looked the information number for the MAYO CLINIC and called that. The receptionist who answered was very nice (although a little offended that neither John or Keepers had any desire to actually visit the Mayo Clinic. John says it was nice to speak with someone who had a sense of humor.) Anyway, this lady checked things out as best she could and did not find any reason for this call to have been placed to us. Nothing else has happened since this afternoon so keepers are learning that we have to assume this call was just a mistake. Albeit a strange coincidence after our call from the other hospital last week. So, keepers are working on trying to let this one go as well.

However, we have this haunting feeling that someone we love may be very ill in some way. And, perhaps. that person has made these two attempts to contact us without leaving a message. We really do hope that we are wrong on this but we are not dismissing the possibility that this could be what is going on. If someone that keepers love is ill right now and trying to reach us–we hope that person will try again very soon. We will, of course, do all we can to be of help.

As of tonight, these two phone calls are being logged as simply strange happenings here at KEEPERSKORNER. We can do nothing else because we have no further information at all. However, we are keeping a watchful eye on our home phone just in case another call like this comes in at any given time in the near future.

peace and blessings,

keepers

It was approximately last April when keepers hit the wall as far as an artist’s block goes.  The past 6 months have been miserable because keepers have been struggling to regain our abilities to do our artwork–largely because the need to be painting or drawing has been with us every day since our artwork shut down.  But keepers have spent much time struggling the get the ability to match the need that time at the easel has escaped us.

When keepers stop doing our artwork, we all know that something is very amiss in our system.  When things are going good with us, many keepers are fighting with each other at the crack of dawn over who will get to be out and working on his/her particular form of art that day.  Knowing that has not happened even once in the last six months tells us that our system has been more than under the weather for a while now.

Today, I (Ellen) am heading back to my easel to finish my painting of Bullwinkle (the horse).  I have no idea how much work I will get done.  Actually, I am hoping very little because I am thinking that maybe Beth will start wanting her time at the drafting table and maybe Maggie or Chen Lei will feel their own desires to do their work as we move along through the day.  I have always hated keepers internal battles over who would do what artwork on a given day.  Now, I would give anything to hear that internal banter and feel that rush which comes when one of us is chosen to either be at the easel or the drafting table for the next eight to ten hours.  I guess keepers truly do not know how much some things mean to us until they are gone from our lives for a period of time.

Our artwork will be very different for us now–simply because these last months have changed keepers drastically. So many hurtful things have happened and so many unpleasant jobs have had to be done.  I think our entire system is much more cynical than we have ever been before. I fear that our hearts have really hardened as the last 6 months have unfolded.  I am really hoping that putting brush to canvas will prove me wrong and I find that keepers have not changed much at all.

I could sit here and blog about this for hours.  I could analyze what has changed among keepers and why it is so different now.  But all I would really be doing is procrastinating and, possibly, talking myself out of my commitment to spend this day at me easel.  So, instead of blogging more on this subject, I am heading off to dig out my paints and brushes so that keepers can begin to shatter this artistic block that has plagued us for six long months now.

Please wish me luck.

peace and blessings,

keepers

So many people (both on the net and in our actual world) have responded to the conviction of our former therapist for being proud that keepers stood up for ourselves. In all honesty, I can not see that as something keepers would ever do. Since early childhood people have mowed keepers down time and time again. Then, placed the blame for what happened on keepers. That is something keepers know how to live with and survive which tells me it would have been far easier to just accept what our former therapist did to us and let it go at that.

In many ways, keepers have been put in the position where filing our complaint and seeing it through was made possible for us. When keepers first started with our new therapist (the one after our BAD therapist), we truly thought that he had been a good therapist and we were just horrible patients. This new therapist was the one that saw the truth and helped keepers realize we had to do something. Then, we had our John Michael who has been our rock during this entire process. And we were very blessed because each and every official listened to our story and checked out the truth of what had happened. The truth is that keepers reached a point where we told the assistant AG that we wanted to give up on this case and just let it go. She contacted keepers and told us that this case was way too important to be allowed to fall through the cracks. It was times like those that keepers felt propelled to go on with our case against our former therapist.

Before filing our complaint, keepers did a great deal of therapy on what we would be doing and why. We looked at the emotional cost to keepers and the possible benefits of standing our ground. We made the decision to file our complaint for several reasons.

First, keepers came to realize that–if our former therapist had done so much harm to keepers–he had done it to other clients as well. Many of those clients may not have had the inner strength or the outward support that keepers had as we signed that first complaint form. Keepers moved forward because no one should have to be damaged the way keepers have been by this man and only by bringing the truth into the light could we say we did all we could to protect other multiples from him.

Second, keepers were standing up for this family in a way that only we could. This former therapist had done tremendous damage to our John Michael by continually sabotaging our trust in the man we love. And keepers knew that our former therapist had also done severe damage to our external children. Partly because he had given keepers such bad therapy while our children were still living at home which made us less than good mothers. But, also, because this former therapist had worked intensely with our two daughters over a period of time. Knowing that one of our daughters had spent much time in her new therapy situation working on the issue of this former therapist let us know that his damage had spread from keepers to our external children in many ways.

To tell the truth, keepers were standing up for our husband and children and other multiples last January when we took the stand. Believe me, had keepers been testifying just to stand up for ourselves, we would have simply turned around and run far far away. You see, keepers thinking was that we had gotten what we had deserved from our former therapist. But, in our hearts, we knew our JM deserved so much better than what he got while during the 17 years we were under his care. We knew, too, that our external children deserved so much better than what those years were for them. But, as keepers took each step up to the witness stand, the only thing we were thinking about is that there may well be another young mother who lives in multiplicity and is desperate for help and trying to do her best for her family that may well walk into this man’s office and fall victim to him like keepers did. Nothing in keepers lives has ever been quite as terrifying as our giving our testimony that day. But, keepers left the stand knowing we had done the right thing and at peace with having done the best we could.

One thing keepers have learned is that most people do not want us to do the right thing. In fact, they want the truth brushed under the carpet so that no one ever knows the harm being done. For us, people have placed a very high cost on our doing the right thing. A dear minister friend turned away from keepers because she saw our complaint as keepers failing to have forgiveness in our hearts. Some family members turned away from us because we had no right to embarrass the family by putting our multiplicity out there as a factor in our case. And others–who knew the truth of those 17 years–fell into silence and left keepers struggling with this on our own. The truth of keepers seeing our case through is that it cost us many people that we love dearly. For us, that was a high price to pay but one that was necessary to accept because many of the people who turned away from keepers are the very ones who were harmed by this man.

Keepers had a dream of how all of this would turn out. Our former therapist would be convicted which he has been. Our former therapist would be disciplined appropriately which he–soon–will be. But, more than that, our external children would pick up the phone and call us to say “Mom, I get it now. I am sorry he hurt all of us so badly and I am proud of you for following through on what you knew was right.” But that part of the dream turned out to be nothing more than a fantasy which lingers now as one more painful memory.

Today is Saturday here at KEEPERSKORNER. Peace and tranquility fill the air as both JM and keepers work in our studio. A sense of quiet in our lives has been a long time coming and we are so glad it is finally here. Maybe someday keepers will be proud of ourselves for seeing this case through. But for now we will settle for just being thankful that it is over and being glad that we found the strength to stand up for our family and other multiples who might have walked into his office just as keepers once did.

peace and blessings,

keepers

It has been less than a week since keepers received our copy of what is now a matter of public record in our case against our former therapist.  In all honesty, those papers contained quite a bit that came as a shock to all keepers.  I do not know what keepers really thought those papers would contain but I do know that they contained much more than keepers ever thought would be a matter of public record.

One thing that is now a matter of public record is keepers multiplicity.  We are referred to as TW, which is our legal initials.  For some strange reason, even seeing that much in the papers came as a shock to keepers.  Then, the papers go on to explain that our system of alters is known as keepers. After that, the papers continue to list quite a few of our alters–ranging from baby on up to our 80 year old alter. This pretty much blew us away because we were not expecting it.  We should have been fine with it because our multiplicity is common knowledge to those who come through KEEPERSKORNER.  But going public with our multiplicity is very different on the site than it is having it go public in a legal document that really is a matter of public record.

At first, keepers wanted to run away and hide when we realized that the truth of our multiplicity is now accepting and made public on such a legal level.  For one thing, keepers are keenly aware that our external children want to hide keepers away in the attic because they are so ashamed of having a multiple mother.  So, having our multiplicity out there in such a public way will mean only more contempt and disdain coming from them should they ever see this document.  It has taken keepers a few days to process and accept that this is our reality now but we came to realize that this is something that is right in some way.  So, keepers held an internal meeting and came to the agreement on our public multiplicity.  The agreement stated simply that we will simply let this be and not try to change it in any way.

The one advantage to having our multiplicity become a matter of public record on a legal document is that no one can ever accuse us of not being what we have always said we are.  This is important to us because the therapist who first diagnosed our multiplicity became angry with keepers at one point and set about to change her diagnosis to borderline personality.  And we have a sister who wants nothing more than to deny the fact that her older sister is a multiple that goes by keepers more than by our legal name.  Besides, for KEEPERKORNER having our mutlitplicity as a matter of public record is tangible proof that keepers are what we claim to be which is important to us.

To be honest, keepers are still trying to adjust to our multiplicity being so public and part of a legal document that will soon appear on the net.  It is scarey for us that this is happening but we have learned to see it as keepers “coming out of the closet” so to speak which is something we all know will come to peace within our system in due time.  However, today, we are tolerating the fear and shame of our multiplicity being so public in this manner while we learn to live with this as our new reality.

Someone once told keepers that when have told all of our story–keepers will never have anything to hide from anyone.  I do not think keepers have illustrated our story becoming known in so many ways but it has happened and we are finding that we feel like keepers have less and less to hide as we journey through our lives.  In a way, we find that very scarey because keepers have always had to live with deep dark secrets.  That way of life is familiar and safe to us because keepers have never lived any other way.  But it is also true that the more public and more official our multiplicity becomes, the freer keepers feel and the stronger we get because the energy we put into carrying our families deep dark secrets now gets put into living our own lives.

Keepers thought seriously about going to the AG and asking if this document could be changed to protect our truth a little better.  But then keepers realized that there is not one reason for us to do that.  We have absolutely nothing more to lose as those we have loved so dearly are already gone from us.  And keepers have nothing at all to be ashamed of in being labeled a mutliple in a legal document.  That very multiplicity was what helped keepers survive in childhood and to survive our 17 years of dealing with our former therapist so, in essence, we need to feel proud of who and what keepers are.

So, when we put up the link to the statement that is now a matter of public record and you go there–you will see keepers listed just exactly as I stated above.  We hope that each of you will remember that this is by keepers choice. We did not ask (in any way for it to be there) but realizing that it is allowed keepers to choose to simply let it be the way it is.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Dear RF,

It was just a few days ago that keepers received our copy of the papers that are now “a matter of public record” in our case against you. Reading the entire 16 pages felt, to keepers, like being sucked back into your power and control over us. The more we read, the louder your voice seemed to be telling us (just as it used to–time and time again) that we were the bad ones and we were the ones who did not see things correctly. That old feeling of you having all the power and wisdom came flooding back to everyone in our system as we sunk back into the hopelessness and despair you always made sure consumed each one of us. In fact, keepers felt so bad that we stopped writing our blog and began living in fear of what you might do next.

Everyone from our John Michael and the Attorney General and our friends is telling keepers that we won our case against you hands down. Some are even patting us on the back and congratulating keepers for our victory over you. All keepers have done is, hopefully, stop you in your tracks and protect other clients from being harmed as badly as keepers were. You see, keepers know–all too well–that we will always wear the scars of what you did to us and that we will never have the life we wanted to have thanks to the 17 years we spent trusting you as our therapist of record. The truth is that–if keepers had come out of this winners in any way–we would be celebrating with a family barbecue and softball game in the back yard. Instead, keepers are having to, once again, face the fact that the damage you did is not repairable in any way. Thanks to you, keepers will never again see ourselves as mothers in any way. Thanks to you, keepers will never have the chance to enjoy being Grandmothers. To us, that makes keepers the losers in this entire scenario.

These papers that are now “a matter of public record” state clearly that you were willful in what you did to keepers. That means you destroyed our lives intentionally which will be extremely difficult for keepers to ever forgive. For one thing, our own parents did so much to destroy life for all keepers. Then, you came along and finished destroying what little keepers had in life–leaving us in a place of knowing thanks to you, this is it for us.

These papers state clearly that you failed to help keepers learn to live in society with the diagnosis of MPD. Worse than that, you failed to help keepers learn to live within this family as a multiple. Keepers turned to you for advice on our son and you told us not to worry when we needed to worry very much. Keepers turned to you for advice on eating disorders and you told us our daughter would outgrow them so we should not worry. Time and time again–over the span of 17 years–keepers turned to you for guidance on what we should as mothers. Time and time again, we listened to you and followed your advice. Keepers trusted you to act in the best interest of this family which you never once did.

The sad thing is that you–above all others–knew what it meant to keepers to be mothers.  You knew full well how very precious our son and daughters were to all keepers.  You had the ability to either help us be good mothers to them or to sabotage that in every way possible.  You chose the latter by keeping us in a perpetual abreactive state instead of helping us find coping skill that worked for keepers.  You sabotaged us by discounting our children’s problems when we brought them to you for advice.  You freely and consciously and willfully chose to destroy the most precious thing keepers ever had which was being mothers. How do we ever forgive you for that?

But, still, the worst thing you did was make everything about keepers abreactive in one way or another. No matter what was happening, you labeled it an abreaction and set about trying to fix it by putting keepers through yet another painful memory. You told us our toothache was an abreaction in spite of the dentist finding a real broken tooth that was razor sharp. You labeled the mass in my right breast an abreaction in spite of the mammograms and ultrasounds and biopsies showing it was real in today. You even tagged our menopause as nothing more than abreactions even when we had the test results in our hands.

These papers say that your focus on abreactions only “could have harmed the patient”. In today, keepers spend so much time really needing to know how much more harm you could have possibly caused our system. The truth of the matter is that you put keepers 17 agonizing years of doing nothing but reliving what we went through as children. You took from us all the fact that we were human beings who deserved a life beyond our abuse. You denied keepers any chance to feel like we had good, working minds. But, mostly, you stole from keepers the very reason we were fighting so hard to heal–the chance to be a wife and mother and eventually grandmother. To keepers, that is harm piled upon harm which is unforgivable.

It is clear that you got to know keepers very well. Too well for our own safety as you were using against us all that you were learning about us. You knew that the most precious thing in this world to all keepers is love. You knew that our little keepers only wanted to be loved on this earth. Each of your emails shows that you used love as a means to control and manipulate keepers to be who and what you wanted us to be. You knew that the words saying you loved us would hook us in and keep us trusting you–no matter what you did–so that is what you said to us over and over again–all the while isolating keepers and crippling our abilities to think for ourselves. And you did this to us, intentionally. How can keepers ever for you for that?

These “matter of public record” papers also state that you promoted separateness among keepers. I know the reason you did that to us. The more separate keepers were, the more mind control you had over us. The more we were pawns to you instead of human beings who deserved a life beyond therapy.

Keepers left you in 2001 or 2002. Still, it was just this past October (2006) when you last contacted us via snail mail. For six long years, keepers tried hard to move on in spite of the fact that we knew you had used hypnosis to prevent us ever working with another therapist again. We tried hard to have a life after you. We had our phone number changed so you could not call us. You began emailing John at work. Then, you went to writing us via snail mail. You were the one that would not let go. Keepers wonder why that is. Could it be that you knew you could still control and manipulate our system by telling us of your love for us?

Keepers are so thankful that our complaint is finished now and that you were found guilty on every count. We are glad that the truth is out there and that even the Attorney General tells keepers we did nothing wrong. Keepers are angry that you made us your victims when what we wanted was some real, honest help. Keepers are devastated that our system was stupid enough to believe you were acting in our best interest and knowledgeable enough to know what you were doing.

Someday, keepers will feel forgiveness in our hearts for the harm you did not only to us but to our JM and our external children. But that day is a very long way off because our system is still reeling from the reality you always told us was nothing more than our misperceptions. Someday, keepers will look back and see you as nothing more than a thorn in our side that just simply would not go away.

I have no idea what will come next for keepers. I have no idea how keepers will heal from all you stole from our lives. But I do know that keepers went through the proper channels and did what we had to in order to keep you from ever acting as a therapist again. I know, too, that keepers will continue (with the help and love of our John Michael) trying to heal and trying to have the life we were meant to have.

Your former clients,

keepers

Keepers are taking an extended break from blogging.  Even though we will not even be visiting the blogs of others for a while, KEEPERSKORNER (the website) will be business as usual.  Our charitable services continue to be offered as do our artwork services.  We will remain available through email: IMing: our toll free number (1.888.752.9070) or through our snail mail address (KEEPERSKORNER  P.O.BOX 517 FLORISSANT, MO.  63032).  We will continue to maintain our daily contacts and offer all of the support we can through our website.

Thank you for your understanding,

keepers