WILL KEEPERS EVER COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE? August 27, 2007
Posted by kprsjohn in Uncategorized.trackback
The last few days, keepers have gone into a very dark part of our journey. I say that because this is a time when our greatest will is to just give up. We see no point to anything right now–especially not doing our charitable organization, KEEPERSKORNER, any more. Things are feeling bad enough now that all any keeper wants is to just curl up in a little ball and pretend that the world no longer exists. We want to amputate all love from our hearts and be as cruel and uncaring as the family members who have marked us as the blackest of black sheep. In a way, our shut down has already begun. Artwork is something keepers now believe we will never return to doing. It has been days since we have been to the yoga mat and our littles have, once more, gone far away from us bigs. Besides, absolutely the only thing keepers feel like doing now is letting ourselves just cry our hearts out–which has been the way the last two days have been.
Still, keepers have not yet given up completely. Pastor’s advice that keepers go on with KEEPERSKORNER no matter what is like a broken record in our head. The police man who stood in our living room (just a couple of months ago) and literally told keepers to not give our attacker what he/she wants are words that seem to haunt keepers now. The Attorney General saying to keepers that we have been victims in all that has happened are words that will not come to peace within us. When each of these things were said to keepers–we found comfort in them. Now all we do is resent the fact that they were ever said because everyone is telling keepers to continue on with KEEPERSKORNER regardless of what is happening.
The ICCC has not let keepers know the identity of our attacker but the words of the police men are still so strong within us. DO NOT GIVE THIS SEVERELY DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL WHAT HE/SHE WANTS which is to destroy anything good keepers have in our lives now. In fact one phrase our attacker liked using was “Your end will be my beginning!” That particular phrase seriously worried our local police but all they have done is terrify keepers beyond what we can live with.
The truth is that keepers are giving our attacker what he/she wants–in spite of the fact that we have tried soooooooooo hard to not do that. We have lost our passion for being artists and we have become terrified of any noise outside our home and the self esteem we were developing is now very shakey at best. In fact, keepers have become shrouded in silence–not asking for help when we need it; not praying much any more; not even having friendly conversations with anyone at this point.
But still there at thing that keepers continue to do for KEEPERSKORNER. We continue our already established phone contacts. We try to blog even though that is getting too painful to do now. We visit other blogs and comment. But other than that we have begun to give up on doing our beloved KEEPERSKORNER.
So, tonight, our internal dialog is about whether or not keepers will ever come out the other side of this. No one inside seems to know the answer. The voices of Pastor and the police men and the AG are all trying to convince us to hang on until a better day arrives but keepers have grown weak and extremely tired over what our attacker has done to us. All we can do is try to keep going for as long as we can and hope that some miracle comes to us five minutes from now.
keepers
I’m so sorry for the rough time you’re having. I want to make a comment I hope won’t come out sounding wrong: while I think I understand what prompted your pastor and the authorities’ advice to continue with Keepers Korner, please only continue this charitable organization if it’s something YOU desire to do. And if it is something manageable, and thus feasible.
The dream of helping other multiples and survivors is a worthy one, and I’m certain you have helped many individuals deal with tough issues. However, if the weight of continuing KKCO is such that you can’t find peace within your system, maybe if nothing else you could give yourself a little sabbatical.
I’m concerned that you’re pushing yourself too hard to be all things to all people while inside you’re experiencing so much pain. Don’t let Keepers Korner–regardless of how noteworthy an organization it is–become your one and only identity, or the one thing which defines you. In a sense, you have to come first, not the organization.
I hope this helps and doesn’t just confuse things. If it makes no sense to you, just ignore it. These are just my random thoughts after reading this post.
Take care,
Beauty
PS You don’t necessarily have to look at giving up, or taking a break from KK, as giving your stalker what he/she wants. If it’s your choice made not from a place of fear (because of this person’s threats) but as a means of healthy self-care, then your abuser’s power is diffused. It’s your choice (just as continuing the organization should be your choice, not something you feel you HAVE to do.)
dear Beauty
Thank you for your care and concern. Keepers really do thrive on working on keeperskorner and we have just been knocked for a loop, one we are not sure we can recover from. It’s not KKCO that is knocking us but the other things that have taken away our fire and heart.
Keepers big problem is knowing that someone out there hates us enough to be this cruel. Keepers attacker knew us well enough to know where to hit and how to hit in order to cripple keepers. It is a hard place to come back from and days like today bring out so much hurt in Keepers that it is hard to imagine coming back all the way.
Thank you for your caring.
Peace and blessings to you Beauty
Keepers
Dear Beauty
Keeperskorner is keepers dream come true, we want so much to continue and thrive as we have been doing. Only now are we realizing
the extent of the damage our attacker did to us. We want to go on with keeperskorner and we know we will. I think this is just the time for us to really begin to recover.
Peace and blessings to you
Keepers
we have been sitting her foir five minutes trying to think of something to say and the reality is we cant find anything to say. Depression when it hits is relentless and mean and hard and tough, it transposes everything that is good into seeing it as to hard or too bad or too sad.
One of the things when we were at he deepest end of the ocean was keep doing keep writing keep saying keep talking, its the only advice we actually took you guys up on without argument and possibly it helped see us through.
Simply put nothing we cna say or do can help ease this horrible pain you feel, but as you know for something we wrote only we cna do that and only in your case you can do that, all we cna do is do as you have done for us on many occassions offer a hand and if need be just our little pinkie until you get strong enough to take more of our hand.
JIP
p.s should have started writing in the first palce lol would have saved ourselves five minutes
I don’t know how to help, so I am just gonna say…..
I love you Keepers Lady.
Love, Sarah
Dear Keepers,
We don’t how to help you. We only know that we care a great deal for big keepers and john michael and for the little keepers.
mini-mes
Dear JIP
Thank you! We guess we will wait and see what happens. You are right, no one can do it but us, but we do appreciate the hand.
Take care and God bless
Keepers
Dear Sarah
Keeperslady loves you too sweetie! That means a whole lot! Is it smoothie time yet?
peace and blessings
keepers
dear Mini-mes
and we care about you dear friend, thank you so very much.
peace and blessings
keepers