For keepers, today is the second of two anniversary dates in the last week. Both anniversary dates have been quite painful for almost everyone in our system.  However, we seem to be handling this one better than we did the first.  Our improvement is partly due to keepers realizing we can never be remiss in following the routine that helps us stay strong and continue to thrive.  By following what we know works for us we all gain strength and unity which really helps us in times like this.  But–the truth of the matter is–these last two anniversary dates have been about keepers fully letting go of the life we have known for the last thirty some odd years.  This is extremely difficult for us because–some years ago–we had to fully let go of our lives that included our family of origin.  To be honest, keepers have grown so very tired of having to let go and want so much to have a life where we feel like we belong enough that we can hold on and be a part of those around us.

When keepers had to let go of our family of origin (which has happened more than once for us), we have had to learn to look at what has been and know deep in our hearts that all keepers did the very best we could as daughters and as sisters.  We only did our complete letting go when we knew–deep down–that there was no hope of things ever changing in our family of origin.

Now, keepers have no choice but to fully let go of the life that followed our childhood.  We have spent the last months looking at this life carefully and determining the truth of it.  That truth is that keepers did the very best we could for as long as we possibly could.  We gave all that we could give and we loved with all of our hearts.  But our final realization is that keepers just are not good enough for the life we chose when we were old enough to begin our own lives.  The saddest part is that all keepers know we never will be good enough even though we gave our very best.  So, today is about closing and locking and permanently sealing the door on our two pasts so that we can begin to move forward and have some real happiness in our lives.  Very probably, the next eighteen hours will be spent with keepers crying our tears and venting our hurt so that when morning comes we are done with it once and for all.

Then, tomorrow morning, our day of ceremonies begin.  It is a day that keepers have waited for and prayed for over the span of many years.  To us, it will be a new beginning of keepers living in a world based on love instead of anger and revenge.  It is so funny because keepers never wanted material things at all.  From our littlest to our oldest, all keepers ever really sought was to be loved in an honest and sincere way.

As some of you know, JM and keepers were going to do a webcam sharing of our ceremonies with our dear cyber friends.  We had asked some to join us in watching our ceremonies through cyber space.  We were in the process of asking others to joing us, too.  Keepers were so very excited because we would get to share this day with those who truly have brought love into our lives.  We have spent the last couple of days in preparation.  We have our webcam bought and set up already.

Late last night, we received an email from Pastor (who will be officiating our ceremonies).  The email simply said that he thought our webcam idea was not appropriate for the solemness of the occasion.  Pastor strongly suggested that JM and keepers do all three ceremonies in private and share the story of them afterwards.  Now, Pastor is a man that keepers trust completely so we took his advice and canceled all of use of the webcam during our ceremonies tomorrow.  In a very real way, this decision has left keepers feeling very sad and disappointed but we know that perhaps we are not the best ones to make the decision on this. So, keepers have put down our longing to have our cyber friends with us on our ceremony day and do what Pastor says is best.  We do apologize to all we have invited and to those we did not yet get to invite because we know you are almost as sad about this as keepers.

Still, today is about letting go of what has been.  It is about realizing what we once saw as love is nothing more than people using keepers for their own personal gain.  This is a day that hurts a lot.  For us, it is a day of tears and of anger and of grieving for what might have been in terms of our family–if they had only met keepers half way.  Today is a day of saying goodbye for all keepers.

Tomorrow, though, will –literally–be a day of sunshine and roses.  The weather man promises the sunshine and cool temperatures.  Our John Michael promises the roses.  Tomorrow, keepers will be smiling and relishing every moment of KEEPERSKORNER being annointed in God’s love and we will be proud to renew our vows with our beloved husband and our little keepers will stand so proud as they become one family (in the eyes of God) with our JM.  We will find joy in our ceremonies and we will beam with happiness from ear to ear and we will have in our hearts all the love and friendship we have found through doing KEEPERSKORNER.  Tomorrow, will be a new beginning for each and every keeper.  Tomorrow will be a day of visioning a better and happier life where all keepers can feel like we are wanted and loved.  Tomorrow will be a day that is about life refreshing itself.

What a remarkable difference a day makes.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Around two weeks ago, keepers dear friend, Sarah (the 9 year old alter in another system) sent us the above picture. Sarah was very excited because a friend of hers had given Sarah a box made especially for caterpillars to make their cocoon and become butterflies. The box contained three caterpillars. The above picture shows one of them. About a week ago, keepers received and email that said KEEPERS LADY, WE HAVE A BUTTERFLY. Both keepers and the members of the other internal family felt the joy of actually being able to experience the journey from caterpillar to butterfly. Keepers can not put into words what it meant to each of us to be included as this journey has unfolded.

Then, this morning, keepers chose to sleep in late because we have not been doing too well and the extra sleep seemed important in many ways.  However, when we awoke, keepers discovered a voice mail waiting for us.  The message was from one very excited Sarah, who could not stop chattering but got her message across in spite of excitement.  The best line in her voice mail to us was KEEPERS LADY, WE HAVE A BUTTERFLY.  Just hearing the excitement in our little friend, Sarah’s, voice was contagious enough to light up keeper’s world in a way we seldom experience.

The picture just above is of keepers, the butterfly, that came out of his cocoon early this morning.  As you can see, the butterfly is still all crinkled up and has not taken the shape of butterfly yet.  The butterfly looks this way because he came out of the cocoon with moisture all over him and his wings all crinkled from fitting in the cocoon.

This above picture is of the same butterfly after his wings dried off and took their shape which did not take more than a few minutes to happen.  Just above the butterfly to the left is the cocoon that he came out of.  All of this is in the plastic box where Sarah and her other inner family members kept the caterpillars safe from the beginning of their cocoons to the emerging of the butterflies.

Shortly after hearing Sarah’s voice message, keepers got on the phone and spoke with her in spite of the fact that her bigs were at work.  She was soooooo incredibly excited and keepers felt sooooooo incredibly honored to be included in sharing her joy.  The above picture here is of the keepers (the butterfly) once his wings had dried and he had begun to display his immense beauty.

Sarah’s internal family had a therapy appointment late this afternoon.  They kept this beautiful creature safe in the box he had been in for weeks now until the time of their appointment.  Then, the system and their therapist (together) let the butterfly go on the front porch of her office.  I have been told that the butterfly flew away very quickly once figuring out that he was being set free.  Sarah looked at her therapist and said that her favorite part of this whole experience was the moment that she got to set this wonderful creature free to explore the world on his own.  This statement will always be one keepers remember because it showed the pure and loving heart of our little friend Sarah.

Little did keepers know what this day would hold when we awoke this morning.  We got to experience the birthing of a butterfly for the second time.  We reunited with our Australian friends whom we have missed very much and were so very glad to speak with once again.  Wonderful things unfolded for our ceremonies which will happen on Saturday.  So, all in all, this day that keepers found difficult to face turned out to be one of the best ever.  Keepers attribute that to our waking up and starting our day with this awesome butterfly coming into its own.  And to the fact that our friends cared enough about us to include keepers as things unfolded over the last few weeks with the little butterfly that Sarah named keepers.

So much of life is an awesome experience which is something keepers never knew until we began KEEPERSKORNER and developed loving relationships with multiples all over the world.  Thank you–each one of you–for the joy and happiness you have brought into keeper’s lives.

peace and blessings,

keepers

If JM and keepers were starting a business, our work to make that endeavor successful would be almost 24/7. We would have to develop and make our product so it would be available for sale. Then, we would have to get the word out about our product and develop a following for whatever it is we would be trying to market. Then, we would have to establish ourselves as having a product that is worthwhile and having a reputation for being trustable and reliable as a business in our community. In all honesty, we would be spending a lot of time feeling frustrated or discouraged because this or that is not working right. We would be feeling the anguish of having deadlines that somehow manage to swoosh by without ever really being met. All the while we would have to be coming up with the funding for all we need to do in order for our small business to make it out there in the world of other small businesses and major corporations.

For us, doing KEEPERSKORNER is much the same thing. We are devoted to what KEEPERSKORNER is all about which is improving the quality of life for multiples all over the world. But, since we are a not for profit organization, our efforts have to be doubled and our dedication has to be a full time thing. Not only do we have to show the world that we are reliable and trustworthy but we have to show the world what a great need there is for what KEEPERSKORNER has to offer. Then, we have to come up with the funding for us to continue working at a rather phenomenal pace. And, since most people know or understand little about MPD/DID we have to deal with those who discount the importance of a charitable organization dedicated to those who live in multiplicity. On top of that, we even have to deal with mean spirited people like our attacker who try to destroy the good we put into KEEPERSKORNER. So, for now, our dedication to KEEPERSKORNER has to be even more than if we were starting up our own business–a long and tiring process, to say the least.

Anyone who has started their own business can tell you that frustration and wanting to give up are part of the process. There are so many pitfalls and so many discouraging attitudes that a new business has to face while getting its feet wet. But, keepers are here to testify that wanting to give up is very different than actually doing the giving up.

So much has happened here at KEEPERSKORNER that it is difficult for keepers to remember that our website and not for profit organization are still in its toddler stage. It takes a new business a good solid two years to come out of debt and begin to turn even a small profit. Since KEEPERSKORNER is not about turning a profit but more about giving, it takes even longer because the trust issue is huge for those who reach out to us and those who donate to our endeavors. Keepers easily forget that KEEPERSKORNER has only been around for a little over a year and has a great many years to go before we are doing all that we dream of doing to improve the quality of life for other multiples. I guess one could say that patience is not a flower that continually blooms in keepers internal garden because sometimes we run very short of that precious commodity.

JM and keepers have come a long way in the last year. Our CHARITABLE SERVICES tab offers several things that have been of help to many multiples and we are told our GALLERIES have made a difference as well. Only recently, we have added two books available to multiples who might find them helpful in some way. One is MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER FROM THE INSIDE OUT and the other is LETTING GO OF SHAME. Before requesting these books, keepers do suggest that you ask your therapist if either one would be valuable reading for you at this point in your healing journey. But if your therapist approves, we would be happy to send you a copy of one or the other or even both at no cost to you.

The truth is that God has left our mountain right where it is–with all of the struggles to go along with climbing the mountain of making KEEPERSKORNER all that we want it to be. We still have funding issues and issues with getting work done and. At times, we even have to ride the roller coaster of good days and bad days in terms of visitors to our site. Keepers will continue to reel from the damage our attacker has done to us. We will still struggle with those times when we really do want to just give up and let it all go for forever.

But, God did send us the miracle keepers were waiting for. Like I said, God did not move the mountain at all. He left that gigantic mountain still sprawled out before JM and keepers. God chose to not fix one issue for us and will probably choose to add others as JM and keepers continue to struggle with climbing the KEEPERSKORNER mountain.

But God did change something in the last 24 hours. God changed keepers and gave us the strength to continue climbing and fighting for this cause we believe in with all of our hearts and souls. To be honest, I have no idea at all where the strength to go on climbing came from because keepers are still bone tired and discouraged as can be but I do know that giving up is not an option. With all the frustrations and hurt and anguish there is at times, the love and joy and caring here at KEEPERSKORNER are the still the true forces behind making KEEPERSKORNER a charitable organization dedicated to those in multiplicity.

See you all tomorrow,

keepers

The last few days, keepers have gone into a very dark part of our journey. I say that because this is a time when our greatest will is to just give up. We see no point to anything right now–especially not doing our charitable organization, KEEPERSKORNER, any more. Things are feeling bad enough now that all any keeper wants is to just curl up in a little ball and pretend that the world no longer exists. We want to amputate all love from our hearts and be as cruel and uncaring as the family members who have marked us as the blackest of black sheep. In a way, our shut down has already begun. Artwork is something keepers now believe we will never return to doing. It has been days since we have been to the yoga mat and our littles have, once more, gone far away from us bigs. Besides, absolutely the only thing keepers feel like doing now is letting ourselves just cry our hearts out–which has been the way the last two days have been.

Still, keepers have not yet given up completely. Pastor’s advice that keepers go on with KEEPERSKORNER no matter what is like a broken record in our head. The police man who stood in our living room (just a couple of months ago) and literally told keepers to not give our attacker what he/she wants are words that seem to haunt keepers now. The Attorney General saying to keepers that we have been victims in all that has happened are words that will not come to peace within us. When each of these things were said to keepers–we found comfort in them. Now all we do is resent the fact that they were ever said because everyone is telling keepers to continue on with KEEPERSKORNER regardless of what is happening.

The ICCC has not let keepers know the identity of our attacker but the words of the police men are still so strong within us. DO NOT GIVE THIS SEVERELY DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL WHAT HE/SHE WANTS which is to destroy anything good keepers have in our lives now. In fact one phrase our attacker liked using was “Your end will be my beginning!” That particular phrase seriously worried our local police but all they have done is terrify keepers beyond what we can live with.

The truth is that keepers are giving our attacker what he/she wants–in spite of the fact that we have tried soooooooooo hard to not do that. We have lost our passion for being artists and we have become terrified of any noise outside our home and the self esteem we were developing is now very shakey at best. In fact, keepers have become shrouded in silence–not asking for help when we need it; not praying much any more; not even having friendly conversations with anyone at this point.

But still there at thing that keepers continue to do for KEEPERSKORNER. We continue our already established phone contacts. We try to blog even though that is getting too painful to do now. We visit other blogs and comment. But other than that we have begun to give up on doing our beloved KEEPERSKORNER.

So, tonight, our internal dialog is about whether or not keepers will ever come out the other side of this. No one inside seems to know the answer. The voices of Pastor and the police men and the AG are all trying to convince us to hang on until a better day arrives but keepers have grown weak and extremely tired over what our attacker has done to us. All we can do is try to keep going for as long as we can and hope that some miracle comes to us five minutes from now.

keepers

The upcoming week has two anniversary dates that keepers already know will be very difficult for us. Each one is a birthday of a family member. At this point, each one is also a date that is better off forgotten but–for keepers–the dates are much too important for us to ignore. Still, our reaching out to say happy birthday is not in the cards because that action would only lead to our getting rejected yet one more time which is not something keepers can handle right now. So, internally, our system is batting down the hatches and preparing for the flood of emotions that are sure to come.

This next week, keepers will be even more devoted to our yoga as a means of staying grounded. We will be even more committed to our work at KEEPERSKORNER and, hopefully, we will get to spend some time with one or two of our good friends out there in the actual world. And we will spend much time journalling which we are hoping will lead us back to our easel where we can paint the upcoming days away.

These are the grounding techniques that keepers have found work for our system. We know this way of coping takes a great deal of energy. But, for keepers, staying grounded this way means we are expending constructive energy instead of giving in to our own negative forces that erupt at times like these.

During the next 8 days, keepers will give ourselves permission to feel sorry for our entire system. Allowing those feelings seems to lessen them for us. And we give ourselfs permission to have moments when we are saying we hurt way too much to continue coping with life. By putting that into words, keepers prevent it from building up so strongly within our inner world. And we give ourselves permission to acknowledge and celebrate each of these two birthdays as they come about over the next week. Our celebrations will be for the time that these two people were so meaningful in our lives. This will help keepers to still be here once the anniversary dates have come and gone.

Then, when the difficult and painful times this year holds for us have passed–keepers will wake up and be ready for our day of ceremonies that we have waited for for so very long. For us–each of those ceremonies (from the blessing of KEEPERSKORNER to the renewal of our wedding vows to the uniting of our little keepers into JMs family) will be a true commencement–a time of letting go of what has been and looking forward to the new adventures of tomorrow. Each of the three ceremonies will be an ending and a beginning for all keepers.

Keepers are going into the upcoming week knowing the pain that lies within those days for us all.  We are doing our best to be prepared and to stay grounded as we hang on to our five minute rule (Don’t give up 5 minutes before your miracle happens) like a life jacket that will keep us afloat.  Thank God, we already know that something wonderful is waiting for us at the other end of the next eight days.

peace and blessings,

keepers

As keepers had written, our special ceremonies were scheduled to occur this coming Friday–day after tomorrow. However, the heat here is playing havoc with everything. We have had a couple of weeks of triple digit temperatures and now we are looking at the same for the next few days. Pastor has be stay where he is so he can help out in some ways with the heat. So our ceremonies have had to be put off. They will now take place on Saturday, Sept. 1, 2007. In a way, keepers are disappointed because we have to wait long but Sept. 1 happens to be our actual anniversary and doing the ceremonies on that day will make them even more special. Besides, keepers and John now have the time to get things ready more appropriately for what will surely be one of the most memorable days of our lives together. And by Sept. 1 the temperatures will have dropped into the 70s which means we have a better chance of doing part of the ceremonies outside. So even though postponing things felt bad at first–it is turning out to have lots of advantages that will make it even better when the ceremonies do finally happen.

peace and blessings,

keepers

The lovely young lady in the above picture is Sarah.  She is the nine year old alter in a system that keepers have become quite close with over the last many months.  Sarah, however, has captured keepers hearts and we have developed a very good smoothie and story reading relationship.  The Mr. John in the above picture happens to be the name that Sarah gave the beautiful butterfly that is perched on her finger.

You see, a couple of weeks ago, Sarah had spent the day out at the farm of one of her very best friends.  While out there, this friend gave Sarah a special box and several caterpillars and some parsley and a few branches–all of which Sarah took home with her.  Sarah’s farm friend has known for a long time how much Sarah and everyone in the system loves butterflies and sent them on their way home with all the needed supplies for the caterpillars to make their cocoons and eventually awaken as beautiful butterflies.  Through emails and pictures, Sarah has kept keepers lady and Mr. John updated on the progress of the caterpillars from the moment they arrived home and through their cocoon stage.  For all of us, this has been an awesome experience to watch and share with someone so special.  Well, this afternoon, an IM message appeared on our screen.  It said KEEPERS LADY WE GOT A BUTTERFLY.  She went on to let us know that the system was going outside to set the butterfly free.  Then another alter in the system sent us some beautiful pictures of Mr. John, the butterfly.  This entire experience has been awesome but actually seeing the beautiful butterfly which came out of that cocoon we have been watching for over a week now has made this day a fabulous, wonderfful, so nice, very good day for our friend Sarah and for keepers.

In all honesty, keepers have gotten to experience and be a part of some absolutely wonderful and amazing events since we first began KEEPERSKORNER in July of 2006.  Each experience has been precious to all keepers and we are so thankful the the experiences seem to grow more special as time goes on around here.  Keepers have even gotten to be part of birthing butterflies which has been a true blessing for us all.   Keepers have always seen butterflies as one of nature’s greatest miracles and we treasure watching on or two fly around our back yard.  But to actually be this close to the life processes of a butterfly is something keepers never dreamed we would get to be a part of.  So, thank you, Sarah for sharing this special event with keepers.

Of course, the above picture of Sarah and Mr. John, the butterfly, is going up on our WALL OF WONDERFUL so that keepers can always remember how special today was as a beautiful butterfly came forth and spread his wings to fly away.  It has been a day that no keeper ever wants to forget.

Sarah has two other cocoons that have yet to open.  One named Keepers Lady should open in the very near future and the other, smallest one (named little keepers) probably has over a week to go until his cocoon stage is behind him.  But keepers are now watching and waiting for IM message or email or phone call that lets us know another one of Sarah’s cocoons has brought forth another butterfly.

We will keep you posted on the other two cocoons over the next week or so.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Keepers just received word from Pastor Don Brown (SAVE OUR WORLD MINISTRIES) that he will be here on Friday, August 24, to officiate over the ceremonies for John and keepers. I say ceremonies because there will be three separate ceremonies taking place that day. First, Pastor will do a blessing of KEEPERSKORNER. He will bless our new office and he will bless our art studio as well. The second ceremony will be John Michael and big keepers renewing our wedding vows. The third ceremony will be our little keepers finally becoming true family in the eyes of God with our JM. Other than that, I can only say that the plans are in the works but this is what we have come up with thus far.

First, Pastor could take the easy way on our ceremonies and combine them into one so that it takes less time. However, we came to the realization that each ceremony is important within its own right. It is important that our little keepers feel like their unification with JM as family is important to all concerned. Doing that ceremony separately does this for them, I think. Renewing our wedding vows is also something we see as important to do in a ceremony that stands on its own. And blessing KEEPERSKORNER is so very important to us but is something that should be separate from the other two ceremonies. So, Friday will probably be a long day but a very joyous one for everyone concerned.

John Michael is trying hard to figure out how to get pictures of everything since there will probably be no guests present. There are a great many people we would like to invite but we know they would not even acknowledge the invitation so we would only be bringing ourselves greater pain by reaching out and asking those individuals to be present. So, getting pictures is a real challenge but one JM is working on for us. We know he will come up with a wonderful solution and keepers will have pictures to post on our blog and our site the next day.

The one common thread throughout the ceremonies will be candles. One candle will be lit in our blessing of KEEPERSKORNER. Somehow, this will become a candle that burns in the office window perpetually from now on. We are figuring after the ceremony we can switch to an electric candle that can be on at all times. This is being done from an old tradition to burn a candle in the window so that those who have left home can easily find their way back. This will be the purpose of our perpetual candle in the window here at KEEPERSKORNER.

Then, Pastor suggested that JM and keepers do a Unity Candle which is an idea that keepers love. So, during our vow renewals, that part of our candles will be lit. Around our unity candle will be several smaller candles for the little keepers to light during their ceremony and do a Unity Candle Lighting of their own.

Keepers have a multitude of littles in our system. Too many for each to participate on their own–largely because JM is afraid somebody will be forgotten and very hurt by that. So, what we are going to do is have Beth bring her littles up to the Unity Candle and light their candle for them. Beth takes care of our little keepers under five so she will have her hands full. Then, Polly will do the same for her littles. Polly takes care of only three of our littles. Keepers have always seen them as so bad and so dirty that they have been hidden far away from the world from the beginning. However, during this ceremony they will be brought forth and accepted by both JM and big keepers. Then, Terrence will do the same for the keepers he takes care of which are our keepers between the ages of six and eleven. And lastly Sarah Christine will come forth and do the same for our teen keepers. At the end of this, all keepers will be family with our John Michael after 38 years of dreaming this to be true.

Keepers are hoping that our JM will buy bigs a bouquet of roses for our ceremony. We want two white roses to represent peace in our new family. Then, we want two yellow ones to represent keepers friendship with our John Michael. Then we want two peach or circus roses to represent the fun and joy that lies ahead for JM and keepers. And lastly, keepers want the rest to be red roses that represent our love for each other and the passion we have for living our lives in service. Those will be the flowers for our renewal of vows.

Then, our JM is taking our little keepers to the florist’s shop. Each little keeper will get to pick and buy his/her own favorite flower. During the ceremony, Beth and Terrence and Polly and Sarah Christine will bring their keepers up to the vase and place the individually chosen flowers into it for the keepers they take care of. When the vase is full, it will represent the wonderful array of human beings that make up the system of alters known as keepers. Each group of alters will be told that the flowers they have chosen are placed in the vase to show their beauty as individuals and that each one has gifts which help make up our system of alters.

Keepers are thinking that maybe we will do the blessing of our studio and our office right here at KEEPERSKORNER. This seems only appropriate since our work happens here and we always asks God’s blessings for what we are doing.

For the renewal of vows and the little keepers ceremony, we are thinking about asking JM and Pastor if we could go to a park and perform the ceremonies out in the open and among nature. Keepers think this would be an awesome way to do the ceremonies but we have to ask our JM and Pastor if that would be alright before we move ahead with planning this.

Keepers have chosen the dress we will wear. It was one we wore to a wedding a couple of years ago. It is a long dress but not really a dressy one. We know that the dress has some painful memories attached to it but we think we can lay those to rest and all agree to use this dress as our ceremony dress that day. Hopefully, we will be able to post pictures of keepers in the dress we have chosen carefully.

After the ceremonies, we will take Pastor out to dinner and just have some quality time with our dear friend. We have already chosen the restaurant. It is one where everyone can get a little bit of what he/her loves to eat.

So, by Friday evening, our little keepers will officially be a part of a family that really does want them and love them. KEEPERSKORNER will be blessed and move forward on a better footing with God. And John Michael and keepers will have been reminded what our marriage is all about in the renewal of our vows.

Someone asked if keepers would light a sparkler during the ceremony to represent the presence of that system at our ceremonies. So, after their ceremony our littles will certainly light that sparkler in honor of our friendship.

Someone else also suggested that we do a family license (much like a marriage license) so that our littles know their unification in the family is really official. We are going to do the license and have it signed by JM and keepers and Pastor so that our littles can hang it here in the studio so they will always remember the day they had their own ceremony. The license will definitely have a place of honor on our WALL OF WONDERFUL.

Keepers wish so much that each of our cyber friends could be here with us that day. But we know our friendships span the world and it would not be possible for anyone to come. Still, each of our friends here at KEEPERSKORNER will truly be in our hearts that day and present with us through our thoughts if nothing else.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Today–August 20–has been a very difficult day for many years now. This year has turned out to be no different. This happens to be the birthday of keepers older brother who passed on around fifteen years ago. I think the saddest part of this day is that it took keepers so long to see and understand what a horrible life our brother had had. Keepers look at our childhood and know our abuse was awful. But it was even worse for our big brother because it devastated his physical health and eventually took his life. Yes, both his being abused and neglected in childhood were directly related to the cause of our brother’s early demise.

In all honesty, keepers can not say that we were close to our big brother in adulthood. He chose a much different path than keepers did and his health issues were a constant battle for him. Besides, he chose the path of a perpetrator in many ways and keepers could never cope with that fact. But when all is said and done, keepers know that this big brother was the one in the trenches with us when awful things were happening. Back then–in the early 1950’s–it was him and keepers trying to survive the unsurvivable together. That was before our other siblings came along.

So, today was a day that bigs let our littles sleep as long as they could which was until almost noon. Then, we allowed our littles to cry their hearts out and to feel the hurt and confusion over our big brother–both as the little boy and the grown up man. We knew it would be a very painful day and that alone seemed to make it so.

But, even as our littles were hurting today, something was different than ever before. Something had changed not only for little keepers but for bigs as well. For the first time in our lives, keepers knew that we were not being left all alone to deal with all we were feeling. We had a sense of true kinship with other multiples that we have met through KEEPERSKORNER. Instead of this day consuming keepers with hopelessness and despair, we found our littles clinging to the love and caring we have found through cyber space.

This was especially important to keepers because we chose to not remind our JM of the meaning of August 20 to our system. We have many painful anniversary dates coming up where we will need him even more so we decided to brave this one on our own. Besides, we want our JM feeling good and happy for our ceremony that should happen sometime this week.

When our JM arrived home from work–he and keepers headed off to the po box to check on KEEPERSKORNER mail. There was a rather large box for us from our friend Mini-mes. It contained a few copies of the book LETTING GO OF SHAME for KEEPERSKORNER to give away. But the package also contained a gift for our Beth and one for our Terrence and one for Patrick and one for Polly and one for Jennifer and one for our Emily Ann. It was obvious that each gift had been chosen with love and an understanding of who keepers are so each one meant so very much to us all. Mini-mes said in her letter that she sent the gifts JUST BECAUSE. Those words and her actions gave our little keepers a way of celebrating our brothers birthday by opening their gifts from our dear friend.

In many ways, this is a whole new world to keepers. No one has ever really given us gifts before or showed caring about how keepers were feeling. These are new things for us all and things that taking some learning how to accept with grace and gratitude. On a day like today, it is a new but wonderful feeling to know that keepers can get through because our miracle of being loved has already happened for us.

Tomorrow, keepers will do something for someone JUST BECAUSE. We will pass on the wonderful gift of kindness given to us today to someone else who might appreciate it as much as keepers have.

peace and blessings,

keepers