This afternoon, one of keeper’s relatives contacted us with a request that we place a call to our brother (the one with the alcohol addiction and is in a program to help him begin some sort of recovery). Like a dutiful big sister, Ellen (one of our alters) agreed to make the call at the allotted time. Almost immediately, our system became overwhelmed with feeling of fear and trepidation. And, John Michael mood was seriously altered when he realized that this call would actually be made. John Michael and keepers waited out the afternoon until 5:30 rolled around. Then, Ellen went to the phone and dialed the number on the post it note where she had jotted it down. On the other end of the line was keeper’s little brother–who is now in his fifties. The question he put before us was COULD HE MOVE BACK IN HERE AT KEEPERSKORNER and live for a while because the program he is in does not suit his needs. As he put this dreaded request before us, keepers could feel our stomach begin to turn and our knees begin to knock together. We knew that keepers could not say no to one of our siblings. For that reason alone, keepers told our brother we would talk it over with our John Michael and let him know our decision later this evening. After hanging up, the first thing keepers did was make two phone calls to our experts on alcoholism (both of whom know our brother’s story well). Each of these two people told keepers that it is best for everyone if we tell our brother NO and either allow someone else to rescue him or force him to remain in the program that was chosen for his recovery. Then, after a long talk with our John Michael, the decision was made to tell our brother he could not move back in here and that JM would be the one to place the call telling him that.

The truth is that there are 6 different people on this earth that keepers have always had trouble saying NO to. Not because we feared these people would not love keepers. We already knew that not one of them felt an ounce of caring for any keeper but we still felt like keepers needed to live up to our responsibility to them in spite of that fact. These are people that keepers have been taking care of for the whole of our lives. So much so that each one of these people fully expects keepers to twist and turn ourselves to satisfy their every whim. But each one, also, turns right back to treating keepers like garbage once he/she has gotten what is being asked of keepers.

To keepers, being big sister meant that it was up to us to always do the giving and the caring for our siblings. And, being mom meant that it was our responsibility to please and to give without ever asking for anything in return. In fact, it was only to satisfy a demand made by our youngest daughter that the door was ever opened on allowing our siblings back into our lives. Keepers knew it was the wrong thing to do. That is why our siblings had been out of our lives for the last twenty years. But–when our daughter told keepers how much it would mean to her to have her estranged aunt and uncles in attendance at her wedding–keepers opened the door on those relationships and tried our best to give her what she wanted so badly.

Actually, tonight begins a new era for all keepers. It begins the time in our lives when keepers know and understand that it really is ok to say NO to those people who only intend to use and drain us of all we have to give. We have made the decision to say NO in this one instance. Still, our John Michael loves us. Our brother still loves us. Pastor loves us. In fact, each one stands beside us in our saying NO. For keepers, this means that we can say NO and our world will still go on without missing a beat. The relationships where keepers are loved and valued are just as strong after our saying NO as they were before. Keepers only gained strength and self-esteem by saying NO in a situation where that word was most appropriate. It has taken keepers almost 60 years to learn that it really is ok to say NO when we need to. That is not a lesson keepers will ever forget.

To be honest, keepers are happiest when we are giving to those we love. There have been times when it made us happy to share with our brothers and sisters. There have been many times when it made us happy to be giving as mothers and especially as grandmothers. But even in the roles where keepers have always been caretakers there is a limit on what it is reasonable to ask of us and there is a point where our giving hearts have been completely depleted. Since none of these people have ever bothered to replenish our giving spirits, keepers finally reached the point where we have absolutely nothing more to give. Somehow, that should make keepers very sad because it means these people put no value at all on who keepers are. But instead of sadness a feeling of freedom followed our saying NO this evening. WHAT AN AMAZING THING IT IS FOR KEEPERS TO FINALLY FEEL THAT FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!

For keepers, Saturday July 21, 2007 is the day that keepers can celebrate as the day we finally knew that it really is ok to say NO. This day will always mean so much to our system because we have struggled our whole lives to get here.

peace and blessings,

keepers