Keepers all know that it has only been a few days since we took back our power from the toxic person who has been attacking us.  We realize, too, that it has been even less time since our little keepers came back to today from having been driven back to yesteryear.  For us, that means this is a time when we need to allow everyone in our system time to recover and get back on their feet.  It is true that what we have been going through for the last 4 months has been emotional and psychological and even spiritual in some ways.  But keepers have come to know that this kind of being down and out is just as real and just as taxing as our having had pneumonia or having had a broken leg or having experienced some kind of diabetic episode.  In fact, we see that there is not one bit of difference between our having a physical ailment and our dealing with an emotional meltdown caused by outside forces.  We have learned that just as the body needs time to heal so does the mind and spirit when it has suffered deeply.  This is why keepers feel no shame in giving our system this time to recover from what has happened.

Being multiple, keepers have dealt a multitude of bad times when we, honestly, believed things would never get any better for us.  But, the truth is, keepers have gotten better at handling these awful and painful times.  We have learned how to get through such times while holding on to what progress we have made.  For example, our bad times do not last nearly as long as they once did.  Also, we always manage to maintain deep and free breathing through whatever is happening.  And this old body is more capable of handling the taxing physical cost of bad times than it has ever been before.

Over the last few years, keepers have learned that we come of our bad times having gained some new strength or ability.  We see our recovery periods as a time when the sunshine is beaming into our world and lighting up new ways in which keepers are better off than we were before the most recent catastrophe or meltdown happened.  We always find that we have discovered new knowledge about our system of alters and need to establish new ways of coping.  Figuring out all of the new and incorporating all of it into our lives is a huge part of what our recovery times are all about.

Keepers have spent a great number of years figuring out how to help our system cope better and to survive the bad time with greater ease.  One of the things we have been told time and time again is that keepers need to change our thinking and that alone will change our lives.  This has been told to us by therapists and ministers and even doctors at times.  Their basic theory is that our thoughts affect our feelings and by thinking differently our emotions would come more into what is considered appropriate for a normal human being.  For years, keepers took this as an axiom because these professionals were, surely, far more wise than keepers.  We tacked up affirmations all over our studio.  Several times a day, we would stop and read these affirmations out loud.  Inwardly, keepers take a new concept–like KEEPERS HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG–and use it as a mantra to be repeated over and over by our entire system.  Keepers have actually sat each night and made a list of what we accomplished in an individual day or taken time to tell ourselves that we deserve things like God’s love in our lives.  We have done the same repeating of the same concepts for years and years in the hopes that something about our thinking was changing even if keepers were unaware of this growth.  But no matter how hard we tried, these new tapes and new concepts never seemed to make their way into being  new ways of living for us.  Eventually, keepers had to accept the fact that CHANGE YOUR THINKING AND YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE did not work for us.

Keepers are sure that most people function from a standpoint where their thinking is what controls their emotions.  But, for us, it had turned out to be the other way around.  Keepers do have very good and functional minds but, any way we twist it or turn it, keepers are much more feeling beings than cognitive beings.  So, for us, it made sense that we need to change our feelings.  As we did that, our thinking would follow suit with our emotions.  By following this process, keepers have been able to begin changing our thinking and that has enabled us to begin, truly, changing our lives.

What I mean by this is that it does little good for keepers to read a sign that tells us KEEPERS HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.  To us, those will always be just words on a piece of paper.  For keepers to actually live from the standpoint that we have done nothing wrong–keepers have to feel that fact as a part of who we are.  We have done this by stopping every so often throughout our days and checking inside for anyone who feels guilt or shame in any way.  We share with that alter all the last few hours have held and show him/her that keepers have done no misdeeds for that period of time. If keepers have made a mistake in the last few hours, we reassure that alter that the mistake was unintentional and can be repaired.  Then, we help that alter to see the feelings of shame or guilt are coming out of yesteryear and have nothing to do with today.  Eventually, that alter begins to feel better and take on  feeling more safe and confident in today.  As one or many alters begin to feel better about being keepers, our thoughts seem to follow suit and take on a more positive perception.

One thing keepers have done over the last four months is that we can not compare ourselves to others–not even others who live in multiplicity.  We were not doing this consciously but feelings of being different had infiltrated our emotional world.  As things unfolded, keepers began to feel more and more freakish.  At some point our feelings of being outcasts overwhelmed our system.  No matter what words keepers used, we could not get our thoughts to turn away from beating up on each other for who and what keepers are.  It was only when keepers began to actually feel a sense of belonging and a sense of others understanding that our thoughts could let go of continually telling us that we were too different to ever be as good as any other person.  Indeed, the only way keepers could alter this was changing our feelings which brought our thinking back to where it should be.

In order for keepers to have control of our thinking, we need to have control of our emotions.  The only way to really control our emotions is by keepers staying safe and by turning away from those who criticize us overmuch and by letting go of those who threaten to harm us.  Sometimes, this means that keepers live in seclusion so that we can gain strength and confidence in ourselves.  Only when we feel strong enough to handle what the world throws at us do we break our seclusion.  Only when keepers feel capable enough do we walk out our front door and do the things we are meant to do.  People can tell us endlessly that keepers are strong and keepers are capable but those words make little difference until our emotions are aligned enough for us to hear them.

For the last four months, people (from our John Michael to the police and others) were telling keepers that we were safe and that no one could get into the studio to harm us.  But these words helped very little because keepers felt danger at every turn and felt threatened by an unknown attacker and even felt powerless to protect ourselves.  But slowly and surely, we changed our studio to where it actually feels safe for keepers to be here .  The police gave keepers all we needed to have that feeling of being safe.  It was only in keepers feeling safe again that we could come to believe that we were once more safe.

I guess, in a way, thought versus feelings is much like “which came first–the chicken or the egg”.  But keepers have spent years trying to change our thinking and thereby change our lives.  Not for one second did it work.  But when we strive to change our feelings, our thoughts seem to change almost automatically and keepers have success in changing our lives.

For keepers, this period of recovery is about integrating into our system the truth of focusing on our feeling when something happens and simply allowing our thoughts to follow suit.  We were aware of this before things went awry with our attacker but over the last bad period of time, we have come to know that we can handle more if we work on changing our feelings which will change our thoughts which will always lead to changing our lives.

peace and blessings,

keepers