We are back to business as usual here at Keeperskorner.  Once again please feel free to join in our blog conversations or call us at our toll free number, 1-888-752-9070 or use our contact tab to request any desired items from KKCO.

We look forward to hearing from you today

Peace and blessings

Keepers and John

Dear Blog Friends and website visitors,

Keepers are so very sorry but KEEPERSKORNER WEBSITE AND WEBLOG are temporarily shut down.  We do not know for us if or when we will come back up.  We are very sorry for this but keepers can no longer cope with things that are unfolding and it is not fair to our  friends out there that they should be subjected to what keepers are having to go through now.

peace and blessings to each of you,

keepers

Any way, we twist it or turn it, keepers live in multiplicity.  In fact, keepers have worn our MPD/DID label for many years now.  Often, that label feels like our own personal Scarlet Letter that will brand us throughout eternity.  Like other multiples, we wear the scars of damage done to us by therapist who knew nothing about being a multiple.  We wear the scars of the damage done to us in childhood.  We live with the deep wounds our external children have caused keepers.  Sometimes, keepers feel overwhelmed with all the baggage we carry with us.  But, at other times, we can put that weight down and feel like keepers are truly thriving.

Over keepers years in therapy, we were told more than once that the abreactive part of our lives is much too traumatic for therapist or keepers to try to deal with in any way.  In fact, JC–our last therapist–would completely ignore keepers having abreactions which meant we were totally alone in dealing with them.  This is aside from our John Michael of course.  Still, the abreactions were erupting and we had to find ways to cope with them and continue with our lives in spite of them.  Slowly but surely, keepers learned to work with both self–soothing techniques and with grounding techniques.  At first, these techniques gave keepers only momentary relief but then we gained more profound relief as we continued to employ them.

KEEPERSKORNER website offers table top waterfalls to other multiples at absolutely no charge to the other multiple. We do this because they have been so instrumental in helping keepers. The soothing sound of a waterfall in our studio helps keepers feel calm and peaceful which is very necessary as we work on KKCO or paint.  This waterfall runs many hours a day for us.  We also have a waterfall by our bed which runs at night while we are sleeping.   This seems to help keepers sleep in many ways.  Our waterfalls are lighted which gives us a soft and comforting nightlight effect.  The regularity of the water flowing helps keepers to fall asleep and if we wake up during the wee hours we can focus on the sound of the waterfall which quickly puts all keepers back to sleep.

Keepers also use aromatherapy to help us sleep.  We use liquid potpourri at times and when we need a stronger scent we use the scented oils they put in candles.  With the liquid potpourri we fill the container half full of scent and half full of water so that the scent gets into the air more quickly.  With the scented oils, we use a container of hot water and we put four or five drops (with an eye dropper) into the water.  We always use a glass container in doing this with either potpourri or scented oils.  By the way, these scented oils are much cheaper than essential oils.  We place the glass container containing the fluid on one of these electric candle warmers that are available everywhere.  We use this method because it is much safer than using candles.

The scents that keepers find useful are as follows:

1.)Peppermint and eucalytpis for concentration and increased short term memory.

2.)  Cucumber and melon for relaxation.

3.) Grapefruit and orange for energy.

4.) Vanilla for sleep

5.)  Lavender and chamomile for sleep when we are tired of vanilla.

For keepers, life has become even more different than it is for most people.  We do well these days and only fall down on holidays when we are feeling so very abandoned and rejected by our own family.  But, even on our worst days, keepers know that we will get through by staying focused and employing the grounding techniques that we have learned work for us.  What follows is a list of grounding techniques which keepers us daily

Keepers have never had a serious problem with cutting but we do have an alter who has done serious damage through scratching.  Several years ago, our daughter found an old stuffed animal just lying around.  She taught our scratching little alter to focus on scratching the stuffed animal instead of the body.  It took our little alter a while to get used to this but now she scratches only the stuffed animal and our skin has healed greatly.

Keepers have what is called GROUNDING STONES.  Each one is a different size but all of them are much like the rocks one would find at the River’s edge.  Many of our GROUNDING STONES are plain and without any ornament at all.  These, we keep in the freezer.  Whenever any keepers feels like he or she is slipping back to a place where they no longer need to be–an alter will grab a GROUNDING STONE out of our freezer and hold it tight in our fist.  The cold helps to bring that slipping alter back into today and gives us back the power to let go of any awful memory that might be erupting.

Now, keepers have used ice cubes as GROUNDING STONES as well.  The cold of the ice cube does the same thing and the melting of the cold water helps maintain the sense of calm a little longer than the stone does.

Keepers always keep a bag of mixed vegetables or fruit in our freezer.  When we are sensing an abreaction erupting too quickly and without any help–we place the frozen bag of produce on the back of our neck which always brings keepers back into today.  We use the bags of fruit or vegetables because the bags are supple and can be applied to the contour of our neck.

We also have GROUNDING STONES lying around our home.  One is etched with the word TRUST on it–another has the word NURTURE on it.  We have several more but this will give you an idea of what we speak.  When keepers need to trust and feel our old tapes denying us the ability to trust, we pick up that stone and press it in the palms of both our hands while we close our eyes and sit breathing quietly.  Before long, we feel ourselves coming back into today where trusting is much easier and wiser for keepers.

Keepers also have 5 different WORRY STONES here at KKCO.  Each one is a little angel encased in plastic. (These only run $5.00 each.  If you would like one and can not afford it KKCO will send you one at no cost to you.)  We began working with our worry stones as relationships with our external children fell apart.  We needed something because keepers were constantly worrying about how each of our external children was doing since we had no contact with them.  The premise of the worry stone is that keepers hold in in our hand and turn over all of our worries to the angel encased in the stone.  More and more, keepers found that we could let go of worrying about our children by letting the angels take care of them for us.  Keepers always carry a WORRY STONE in our pocket and a back up one in our purse because we never know when worry about our external children is going to overwhelm us.

Keepers also use music as a grounding tool.  We have CD,s of lullabies that soothe our little keepers and let them know they are safe now.  We have a CD by Reba McIntire with the song I’M A SURVIVOR on it that we play when we need to know we are on the right path.  A teenage alter from one of our dear MPD/DID friends sent keepers a CD of music chosen specifically by her.  This one has become keepers favorite because it contains songs that speak to alters of many different ages and backgrounds.  Also, for keepers, the song VINCENT by Don McClein has become one we listen to every day–largely because keepers have a fondness for VincentVan Gogh.  We listen to the IMPOSSIBLE DREAM by Jim Nabors a lot as well.  We love to listen to Eva Cassidy and Mitzi McDonald also.  We have lots of Irish music as well–largely to help us feel close to our Nana whom we loved very much.

For keepers, our yoga is a huge GROUNDING TECHNIQUE.  The physical activity and challenges keep our blood flowing which helps us stay in control of our abreactions and unwanted feelings.  Also, the physical workout helps keepers release our anger in healthy ways which is important for us.  Plus our yoga helps keepers feel linked to each other and to our own personal HIGHER POWER –which helps us feel less alone on our journey and less lost within the world.

Keepers whole way of life in today is full of GROUNDING TECHNIQUES which make us much more able to get through our abreactions and function at a very high level.  Never do keepers deny or ignore the feelings that are erupting.  We give our emotions the respect they deserve which lessens their power within our system.  The rest of our lives, we maintain through GROUNDING TECHNIQUES.  They help us control our abreactions and our dissociating.  They help us maintain a better way of thinking and give us hope as we move through our days.  But, mostly, the keep us clear headed and moving along the right track here at KKCO.

peace and blessings,

keepers

The beautiful black goat in the above picture has very rapidly become our mascot here at KEEPERSKORNER. We first introduced her on our blog in November of 2006. Since she had only just been born we called her LITTLE BABY GIRL GOAT NAMED Keeperskorner. But, now, months have passed and she had grown much bigger so we have changed our addressing her to BIG GIRL GOAT NAMED Keeperskorner. This wonderful black goat–who always stands out in a crowd–has come to mean so much to both John and keepers.

We really want to thank Katie of CONCRETE ANGEL for giving us the gift of naming one of her goats Keeperskorner and for sharing her with us through photographs as the goat grows and changes. Needless to say, receiving an email from Katie with pictures of our namesake attached always brings smiles to each and every keeper. It is such a wonderful feeling to have that sense of being part of Katie’s life and of sharing a love for BIG GIRL GOAT NAMED Keeperskorner.

Katie named this goat after KK for a reason. You see, she tries to name each goat born with something quite appropriate for that particular little animal and she also tries to name each one after someone or something that means a lot to Katie. All of this has held true for our mascot who means so much to us.

You see, Keeperskorner (the goat) had a very difficult time coming into this world and then–upon arrival–her own mother goat rejected her. Thus, Katie named her for keepers in some way because this was much our story as well. But Katie bundled up this little bundle of sweetness that came in goat form and took her into her home where she was nurtured and cared for until Keeperskorner (the goat) was old enough and strong enough to join the herd outside).

I am told that many visitors to Katie’s farm ask to purchase our wonderful mascot but Katie continually tells them that she is not for sale. Keepers are grateful to Katie for this because we want our mascot to always be nearby and we want so much to watch her grow up through photographs.

Both John and keepers feel very honored that Katie named one of her goats Keeperskorner. It has been a precious gift to us that we will cherish forever.

We will post more about our mascot goat as she grows and changes over the years. We hope you enjoy seeing pictures of her as much as we enjoy sharing her with you.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Each and every morning (it does not matter whether it is Wednesday or Friday or even Sunday morning) keepers wake up and crawl out of bed to begin our days work here at KEEPERSKORNER CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION. Our very first task of each day is to face and deal with keepers own overwhelming fear–which is an emotion that all of our alters must work diligently to control.

You see, from keepers perspective, we have so much to fear as we set out each day here at KKCO. There are so many people out there in the world who would like nothing better than to see keepers fall flat on our face. In fact, we are sure many of these people visit and read our blog every day. Each one is looking for that fatal moment when keepers make a mistake that they can use against us. Since keepers know that we are all too human and that being human means being imperfect in ways that allow mistakes to happen, we feel the constant need to be fully prepared to face these nemesis on the battlefield presented to us.

To us, it is logical to begin our days feeling overwhelmed with such fear. After all, KKCO is a risk that keepers freely choose to take–in spite of all the dangers that slap us in the face as we wake up each morning. We are putting ourselves out there in a way no one ever has before. The mistakes we could make are innumerable. Keepers could get very badly hurt, emotionally, at any given time. Even worse yet, we could inadvertently say or do something that would hurt the feelings of someone who visits KKCO for whatever reason. So, to us, our sense of fear each morning is a necessary part of our day.

In doing KKCO, keepers employ our thoughts a lot. We spend much time pondering this or that from a cognitive point of view. We spend hours conquering various tasks here at the computer. We speak with ministers or other multiple’s therapists in ways where our mind must be clear and our words concise. We collect the requests that come in each day for items or services available to multiples through KKCO. We get things ready so that John can step in and prepare the items for shipping–hopefully the next day. We employ our thought processes when we are reading blogs and commenting on what we read. In many ways, keepers have become very thinking people.

But the truth that keepers face every single day is that this really is a feeling universe. What I mean by that is simply the fact that every thought keepers have or every decision keepers make or every success keepers accomplish here at KKCO is done largely on a cognitive basis to the outside world. But, the propelling force behind every thought we have is a feeling or emotion that greatly influences what we are thinking or doing.

For keepers, our emotions play many roles in our thinking. First, yes, our feelings stem out of our past experiences so they do bind us from ever really letting go of what our lives have been. But, our emotions are also a gauge that lets keepers know if we are on track or not. (If keepers are feeling good as we work, we know to move forward and trust what we are doing or saying. But if we are feeling bad we know that we need to back up and reevaluate and set a different course for ourselves). Also, it is our feelings that enable keepers to empathize with others or to reach out with caring and compassion. Much more than our thoughts, our feelings are in control of how keepers think about any given thing. Our emotions are our true compass for how we are doing not only here at KKCO but in general out there in the world.

For years now, keepers have been trying to work with the words of Ernest Holmes that say CHANGE YOUR THINKING–CHANGE YOUR LIFE. In all honesty, we have struggled hard to do just that. We thought that it would be simple to change our thinking simply by reprogramming our own brain. But, we found ourselves consistently unable to just change our thinking. Eventually, keepers discovered that–in order to change our thinking–we must first begin to change our feelings because those emotions are what have real control over our thoughts.

In truth, keepers had to learn that it is ok for us to feel what we feel. We had to see that our emotions are based on what keepers have endured in life and make perfect sense for who we are today. The huge struggle for us has been other people treating us like we are bad or wrong for feeling what we feel. But the truth is that–had those other people been through what keepers have–they would feel much the same as we do in today.

By the same token, we had to learn that–when we see something as very important or even crucial–it is not our mind that is seeing that but our feelings. Only on an emotional level where bad decisions do their damage can keepers realize what is right to do and what is critical to accomplish.

Keepers being a multiple and an abuse survivor means that our emotions do not match the emotions of other human beings on this earth. For one thing, our feelings were even more shattered than our minds by the abuse of our childhood. For another thing, keepers have a sensitivity to this world that makes us feel the deepest depths of emotional pain when someone hurts us in some way. And lastly keepers learned long ago to deny our emotions at all times and just present this perfectly fine appearance to the outside world–which mean that we have spent our lives in consistent and powerful denial of the one true force that was charting the course of each and every day for us.

In order to do KKCO in a way that would be, truly, helpful to others, keepers did have to change a lot about ourselves. We had to learn that we could trust our thoughts and our own perceptions and, especially, our own instincts. But all of that was more on a mental level than an emotional one.

But from day one of doing KKCO, the greatest change for keepers had to come from within our feelings. We had to realize that we would spend much time taking our own feeling out of their armored box and looking at them head on and coming to accept that we feel what we do for very good reasons. Then, we had to understand that each emotion could be of great use to us simply because each one carried a great lesson that keepers had to learn. And we had to embrace our feeling selfs in order for the emotions to help us change our thinking so that we could truly change our lives.

The abuse that keepers have survived (including our childhood abuse and the abuse of people like our former therapist) left keepers permanently scarred in many ways. Over the years, these scars have left keepers feeling disabled in more than one situation. The emotional damage that has been done to us has truly been the controlling factor over keepers since the day we were born.

But, waking up and feeling our overwhelming fear each and every morning has turned out to be a good thing for us. That fear keeps us humble as we make each necessary decision during our day. Our overwhelming fear enables keepers to empathize greatly when someone is speaking to us of the fear in their lives. That overwhelming fear never fails to make keepers stop to think and feel before any decision is made on any issue here at KKCO.

It is said that multiples are not superficial thinkers in any way. We are also not superficial feelers either. We feel our emotions deeply which means they have such powerful influence on us. But, as keepers have come to understand why we feel the way we do–we have learned to use every emotion to make positive life changes for ourselves and for KKCO.

Without our feelings KKCo would never work simply because all decisions would be made without heart entering into it and that would make every decision a bad decision for keepers and for our visitors to KKCO.

later taters,(thanks Austin!)

keepers

Last night, keepers were speaking (at length) with a fellow multiple who has come to be very dear to our hearts. As always, the conversation went in many directions and dealt with multiple issues. But this dear alter on the other end of our conversation kept on saying to me “I SHOULD BE doing better than I AM doing” or “I SHOULD BE more aware of my system than I AM” OR “I SHOULD BE feeling what my friend would feel.”

After this conversation was done and we had both gone our separate ways, keepers sat on our back porch in the darkness of night and pondered all the SHOULD BE’S that have haunted us over the years. First, the son who proclaimed that keepers SHOULD BE more in control of our alters. Then, we thought of the daughter who proclaimed that keepers SHOULD BE wearing jeans instead of a skirt. Or the therapist who mandated that keepers SHOULD BE doing just fine while she was on vacation. Or the minister who told keepers that we SHOULD BE constantly giving without ever asking anything in return. Then, there was the therapist that we met for the first time who kept on telling us that keepers SHOULD BE better mothers. Or the parents who were constantly telling keepers that we SHOULD BE out there in the work force.

As keepers were thinking about all of this, we were feeling more and more sad and hurt by the SHOULD BE’S of this world. First of all–every person who has ever placed the weight of a SHOULD BE on us has been a singleton who has absolutely no idea what it is really like to live in multiplicity. Second, the people who put the weight of SHOULD BE’S on keepers always seemed to disregard their own list of SHOULD BE’S in their lives. Third, these people were always piling their SHOULD BE’S on top of each other for keepers when not one of them ever stopped to know the whole story.

But, for keepers, the truth is that SHOULD BE’s only hurt us and are destructive to any progress our system might be making. Once the SHOULD BE’S are thrown out there, keepers never fail to pick them up and try to shape ourselves to satisfy what others mandate keepers SHOULD BE. In fact, the more keepers carry the weight of these SHOULD BE’s—the more we spiral downward and the less likely we are to maintain any sense of self worth. But still somehow keepers have managed to spend our lives trying to live up to all the SHOULD BE’s the world has given us.

Keepers are just now learning that we can not carry the weight of other people’s SHOULD BE’s. It does not matter who the person is–daughter, son, therapist, teacher–because not one of them lives in multiplicity or has any comprehension of what life is like for keepers. Once the SHOULD BE has been tossed out there, keepers can not take it and put it back in it’s human container. However, we can just let it lie there as we turn away from it and refuse to pick it up. For keepers, that is the only way to survive in this world so full of SHOULD BE’s.

For keepers, the SHOULD BE’S on this earth can not matter. Each and every SHOULD BE is little more than an attempt to control and manipulate all that keepers are. Each SHOULD BE implies the judgment that keepers fall way short in the way or that. Each SHOULD BE is something that really SHOULD BE kept inside it’s human container because that is the only place it really matters.

For keepers, the bottom line, is that we can only do the best we can and we can only be the people that we are. We can only feel the feelings that are ours to feel. We can only live within the realm of what is possible and realistic for keepers.

Human beings will always be inconsiderate enough to tell keepers just exactly how we SHOULD BE.  Keepers own multiplicity will always make us vulnerable to the SHOULD BE’S that are heaped upon us which means that we will always struggle with our issues of what we SHOULD BE versus the truth of who we ARE.  But when all is said and done we will always try hard to remember that keepers are who we are for a reason and that the SHOULD BE’s of this world can be allowed to carry very little weight in keepers lives.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Late last August, keepers attended the only birthday party for one of our grandchildren that we have ever been invited to.  The birthday girl turned 2 years old.  Also in attendance were mom and dad along with dad’s dad and dad’s mom and dad’s brother.

Now to set the scene for this party for such a little girl, the best we can do is say that everyone made it obvious that John and keepers were way out of our element.  You see Dad and his family all test out to be true geniuses.  Now, I dont know why but this impresses our daughter to no limit.  Still, somehow, it seems to escape her that she has uncles who also tested out to be geniuses.  The sad thing is that many geniuses have gigantic brains but no common sense or ability with people.  This was the case with those at the birthday party.

Shortly before leaving to attend the party, our daughter called keepers to let us know that we should show up in blue jeans because that way we would “fit in” with her other guests.  You see, a few years ago keepers stopped wearing jeans simply because we were tired of them.  I guess it was very embarrassing for our daughter to have a mother show up in skirt and blouse when everyone else was in jeans.

I told you all of this so that you might understand how very stressed out keepers were in even going to the party.  We left home feeling beaten and rejected long before we arrived there.  So, walking in the front door of their home was filled with anxiety for keepers.

At dinner, the other Grandma had the birthday girl sitting by her.  She was at the other end of the table from keepers.  Keepers had her ten month old little sister sitting next to us in her highchair.  I will call this little girl A as I speak.  Now, A was at the age where she eats with her fingers and the food is spread out on her high chair tray.  As she began to eat, I picked up her plastic lined spoon and simply laid it by her food.  I did this because I thought it might help her understand what a useful tool a spoon is.  As I laid the spoon down on my grand babies tray, keepers heard the other grandma laughing at us from her end of the table.  She began making snide comments about how redundant it was for us to place a spoon on A’s tray.

Now, keepers felt as if this other Grandma was trying to humiliate keepers–which she turned out to do quite well.  In fact, keepers walked away from that party feeling very down on ourselves.  After all, the woman is considered a true genius.  And she is a teacher. So, keepers just automatically assumed that Grandma at the end of the table knew more than we did and that keepers somehow deserved to be humiliated by her and those who chuckled as she made fun of us for our redundancy.

That birthday party was nine long months ago.  Each and every day since this happened, keepers have felt ashamed for being so stupid as to give our granddaughter a spoon when she was eating with her fingers.  We have felt downright stupid because these genius people made such fun of us in such a subtle way.  As hard as we have tried, keepers just could not forget what happened at our little granddaughters birthday party.

As many of you know, yesterday was a very bad day for keepers.  For some reason this memory was making us feel even worse about ourselves than usual.  In early afternoon, we were on our toll free number speaking with a multiple who happens to be a teacher.  We shared this story with her even though we had no idea why.  What this teacher told us was that we had done exactly the right thing in placing a spoon on our Grand babies tray.  She pointed out that redundancy is a very necessary tool in little children learning.  She pointed out that children’s story books are very redundant for that specific reason.  She told keepers that we had done a good thing by putting the spoon where we did.

Now, to most people, this would have been such a small event that it went unnoticed.  But keepers were trying very hard to do the right thing at all times–especially since we were in the presence of people our daughter thinks so highly of because of their IQ scores.  And we had been taken down a peg by being told not to wear what we found comfortable and appropriate.  So, we felt very vulnerable sitting at that birthday party table which the other Grandma took advantage of.

Keepers have let the memory go because we no longer feel humiliated by what happened.  The woman was being just plain mean because any teacher should know that redundancy is how little children learn.

This may have been a little thing to our daughter.  I honestly do not know because she never bothered to say anything about this woman humiliating her own mother.  But it was a big deal to keepers and it hurt us a lot.

We are thankful to the teacher who told us that we did exactly the right thing with our Grandbaby.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Ever since March 25 of this year, keepers have been in one of those periods of time where it just simply hurts so much to try.  In fact, we have even spent a few mornings sleeping until noon followed by afternoons curled up on  our couch doing nothing at all.  Every day, our system has tried to pull together in an effort to live up to our commitment to our yoga practice.  However, our attempts have been feeble and we have gotten to the point where catching up on yoga practice just feels like too much for any of us to handle.  For the last ten days, the painting on our easel has been left untouched and no other artwork has even been considered for working on.  Keepers have been experiencing moments where the alter who just feels numb is out.  Then, we have times when alters are out who can not stop crying for anything.

This has been keepers reality for the last three year when spring arrives.  We find just that fact so very sad because spring used to be our time to open up the house or go for a ride and just enjoy the wonderful spring air.  Now, each year, getting through spring feels harder than keepers ever remember it being.

It makes a lot of sense that this time of year would hurt this much now.  It brings with it birthdays and Mother’s Day and Easter which are all days that leave keepers feeling totally abandoned in recent years.  That abandonment is piled on top of all abreactiong connected with St. Pattie’s  and holidays which we brought with us from childhood.  So, each year, spring becomes more and more painful for keepers to deal with.

This morning was the first morning in weeks when keepers got up out of bed like we should have–on time and forcing ourselves to face the day.  Begrudingly face this day which seems to stretch into eternity for me and my alters.  Still, the fact that we are up and moving this early is a step forward for keepers.  That means we have to give ourself credit for accomplishing at least that much over what we have been doing.  To us, it is well deserved credit simply because trying is so very hard for keepers right now.

Keepers have come to understand and accept that our lives will have good times when we feel like we can handle the world like normal people do.  But our lives will always have these days or weeks or, God forbid, even months when trying is so very hard.  We will always have times when we count our blessings with joy every morning and times when we just can not see beyond our own hurt.  We will always have periods of time where we can truly feel the love that surrounds us now and times when we feel so undeserving of that love.

Right now, it truly is so hard for keepers to go on trying.  That is totally because of memories from the past and people who should love us and don’t.  But getting through times like this is not even a question for keepers now.  We know that we can feel better by taking the focus off of our pain and doing things to help others.  We know to keep on trying with our yoga because one day it will just click again and we will be back on track.  We know that getting up in the morning and taking on each day is very important because keepers have people to talk with and things to do.

Keepers do know that no one can do our surviving for us.  We are the only ones who can truly nurture our own will to go on.  But our John Michael is a huge catalyst that propels us to always try.  Our friends who reach out to us (with caring and support) in times like these are the catalyst that shows keepers how important it is to keep on trying even when it really hurts.

John Michael, thank your for being the love of keepers lives.  Blog friends, thank you so much for making KKCO what it is and, thereby, giving keepers the reason we need to conquer our own depression when it becomes a force that feels beyond our control.

peace and blessings,

keepers

This is John and I need to apologize to Keepers and JIP and every other multiple and survivor who is out there. Last night I posted a blog, I used words that were abrasive and harsh and I hurt those who read it. I hope you can forgive my mistake.

As a singleton, when I hear what Keepers and each of you has endured, I get angry. I get angry but I cannot clearly understand your hurt, your pain, your struggles, not in a significant enough way to always respond how another survivor would respond. In an effort to respond to your pain I ended up choosing my words poorly and ignored your hurt, and pain and struggles. For this I am sorry.

I can only imagine the emotions you have and the effects your abusers had on you. But not having these experiences myself and these emotions myself leaves room for errors that would otherwise not be made by someone who knows what it’s like to live with the level of pain that survivors live with. There is a movie called Powder where an albino teenage boy has the power of perception. He is able to feel and transfer feelings from one being to another. At one point in the movie some guys are hunting deer. A man shoots one and is gloating over his trophy. The young boy
puts one hand on the dying deer and his other hand on the hunter. The hunter then feels everything going through this deer’s mind, the pain, the confusion, the fear and the question why. And after the hunter feels this he refuses to hunt anymore. He has experienced the next closest thing to being shot himself. He felt the helplessness and the pain first hand. If people, who do not have multiples and survivors experiences could feel what you do, perhaps we would see and act with more compassion and consideration for you and what you have survived.

Again, I apologize for the upset that I have caused. And please understand though I am not a multiple, for 40 years my heart has belonged to Keepers. For the pain this ordeal has brought to her heart, to her I apologize most deeply.

peace, blessings and apologies

John Michael

Now that our blog is “elsewhere” we hope people will remember there is more to KeepersKorner than the blog, especially the Galleries at KEEPERSKORNER. Keepers have several galleries of our own that depict the artwork and poetry of more than one of our own alters. Recently, our Guest Gallery was opened under the same tab on our home page. Our Guest Gallery contains some poetry and artwork by a few of the most gifted artists keepers have ever met. We feel so honored to display their talents on KEEPERSKORNER. We hope you will visit our galleries and see what we have to offer.

The above painting is entitled THE BOUQUET. The artist who did this piece is Ellen Keeper–one of our adult alters who works solely in watercolors. The Galleries at KEEPERSKORNER also contain artwork by maggie (our adult alter who does figure drawings in pastels) and Beth (our 11 year old alter who works in markers and colored pencils). Plus, we have an alter named Polly who is 14 and has the entire Poetry Gallery full of her poems. And last but not least, our LITTLE KEEPERS KORNER tab on our home page will take you to the artwork of our littles (withing our system) if you click the tab and scroll down the page. We hope you will visit and take a look at keepers journey as it is represented by each painting and each artist.

However, our Guest Gallery at KEEPERSKORNER is rapidly becoming a favorite which visitors like to explore because it is such an expression of others creativity and talents. There are quite a few pieces of art and poetry by varied people like I think most people will find exquisiteness in the talents displayed.

http://www.keeperskorner.com

Keepers Korner is a many faceted site that is trying to reach out to other multiples and share the hope or inspiration keepers have found along our way from the depths of despair to thriving through giving to others. We offer several services to abuse survivors who are in need of self-soothing items or even to just know that someone is just here to listen and to care. We offer a good deal of artwork (some as free gifts from keepers and others at a charge set by the artist). We offer our archival blog which tells some of keepers story and shares with you what the last year of our lives has been like for us. We hope that each of you will visit at the above link and see if we offer anything that might speak to you.

peace and blessings,

keepers