WHEN LOVING ISN’T EASY April 27, 2007
Posted by kprsjohn in Uncategorized.trackback
There are several people on this earth that keepers love dearly in spite of the fact that our relationships are in shambles and have been for a long time. But, in spite of the problems we have encountered in these relationships, keepers still feel the deep abiding love that we have always felt for these human beings. That has not changed and will not ever change.
But something has changed drastically and that is the very essence of keepers. It took us ages to learn but we have figured out that there is no love in allowing others to bully us into being what they think we should be. There is no love in keepers succumbing to threats made in order to get keepers to comply with the wishes of others. For years and years, keepers honestly thought that contorting ourselves to please others was the way that we should show love. However, we now know how horrible wrong we were.
What has changed in these relationships is the way keepers handle things. These happen to be the kind of relationships based on game playing and power struggles instead of honest communication and coming to understand the truth of each other. In game playing, keepers always come out the loser–largely because we are so far into the game before we see that for what it is. In power struggles, keepers often give in simply because the battle does not seem worth it.
But, the truth is, that keepers can not be good for our John Michael or our external children or our sibling or even our friends and neighbors if we continue to play games and get caught up in power struggles. We can only do our best give and share our best caring when keepers feel as if we are being treated with honest fairness and a modicum of respect. Keepers can not be accused at every turn and still find joy in the relationships that have always mattered so much to us. Keepers can not feel threatened and still trust our loved ones.
Basically, what I am saying is that keepers will do all we can for anyone who asks us but only if we are treated fairly and met halfway. We can not buy into the games and we will not buy into power struggles. These things are unhealthy in relationships and bring about more harm than good. So, we ask that we be treated with simply common courtesy and respect and yes even fairness when someone in our family is asking something of us. If not, the only thing keepers can do is turn and walk away until such time that we are working with siblings or children who are willing to do their fair share of compromising and listening.
Today, loving is not easy for keepers. In all honesty, it has not been easy for a very long time. But the love we feel for special people in our lives is still thriving in our own hearts. Even though keepers do not always see it, loving is always worth it–even when it really is not easy.
peace and blessings,
keepers
Hello My Friends
Thank you most kindly for your very thought provoking blog and you have expressed it wonderfully and I agree with you on all that you have said it is indeed very unhealthy in any relationship and to be met halfway is what loving is for me all about indeed again my thanks for your blog here much appreciated
Lots of Love
Your Friend
~Maria~
xxx
PS I hope that everyone here that all well in your world for you and wish you all a great day & weekend my friends
This is an amazing and honest post. thankyou for sharing.
Keepers i wish i had something inspritational to say.. i’ve typed a few things up and deleted them cause well i don’t really know you or your situation well but please know that your in my thoughts and prayers..
keep smiling your worth all the love that surrounds you.
love aims
Your blog today really struck a nerve. I too have been bullied and threatened and I usually allow it because I don’t want the person to be mad at me! It’s usually the result of a person having no understanding of DID nor do they attempt to understand. It’s not fair. The bullying and threats should go to the perpatrator not me. But I still love this person with all my heart and always will. Like you said, it’s not easy but some love can never be extinguished.
i think loving under threat isnt loving at all its fear of not loving, we have heard so many times why do you allow him/her ot treat you liek that and the stop standard answer is becasue i love him, then its a justification for unchanged behaviour one day id liek to hear especially from a few alters in here becasue i dont know what else to do or say and i just dont know. loving someone is ok fearing to not love them isnt. (hope that makes sense)
Hi Keepers,
I’ve finally got Internet access again; boy, I’ve sure missed blogging! It felt good last night to post something on my blog for the first time in 2 weeks.
My son is making amazing progress in recovering from his motorcycle accident. Every day he does a little more than he was capable of the day before. As far as I can tell he remembers me!
I like your most recent post. I just reconciled with a sister I haven’t seen in 13 years (you can read about it on my blog.) I’m going to take things slowly; she will have to earn back my trust. But at the same time I’m enjoying her company and we’ve discovered we haven’t forgotten all the old inside jokes we used to share.
It’s great to be back in cyber space! I’ve missed everyone so much.
Thank you Maria! It seems to us any relationship has its share of give and take and each person willing to meet halfway. We are so glad your comments are coming through okay now!
peace and blessings
keepers
Hi Amsley
We welcome your comments very much. Let’s just say things have been a little topsy turvy the last two weeks but things are getting back on track. Thanksagain!
Peace to you
Keepers
Hi Meadow
undoubtedly many multiples go through relationships like that, where someone is always bullying and threatening and no matter what, we still love them. Sometimes even when we love them though, we must put distance between them and us for our own well being.
Sending you safe hugs
Keepers
and we missed you Dreamer~!!! I bet your son had a lot of people he doesn’t even know praying for him, namely your friends!!! Until he is back 100% he will remain in our thoughts and prayers. Welcome back!!!!
peace and blessings
Keepers
we got missed
sorry JIP, loving under any kind of conditions is love manipulated and that is not healthy. too many of us were raised with distorted views of love being presented to us by our perps and abusers so we always expect love to be like it was “then”. Finding good love is hard for us to recognize when it does get presented to us.
Sorry we missed your comment before, please know it was not intentional
Keepers