Keepers are well aware that many people find the computer an easy world to navigate.  But, for us, the cyber world seems complicated and very difficult for keepers to maneuver.  In fact, here at KEEPERSKORNER,  there are always new things for us to learn and new challenges daring us to conquer them.  Sometimes, keepers meet these new adventures and catch on fairly quickly.  Most of the time, though, we find ourselves completely lost in trying to work with the new task set before us and get frustrated enough to just hand it over to our John Michael when he arrives home from work. Usually, just in the nick of time–right before keepers begin pulling our hair out of our head from anguish and frustration.  The problem is that the work here at KEEPERSKORNER grows every day and John has limited time to put in so keepers really need to conquer this thing sitting in our studio known as our computer.

Keepers used to think that everyone in our system was totally inept and completely stupid.  Those were the lessons we learned in childhood and we brought them into adulthood with us.  Keepers never really tried to do anything simply because we knew the we were too dumb to ever be successful at anything.  Again, lessons from our childhood.

Then, after our empty nest syndrome began, keepers started trying to learn different things.  We developed this determination to figure things out and do much more on our own.  As we did, we began to discover that our childhood teachings were wrong.  We could figure things out and do much more in the world than we ever dreamed possible.  The more we succeeded at little things, the more we were willing to try.

For keepers, the computer is just uncharted territory that we have to learn to navigate on our own.  We will do okay with it, if we can just keep reminding each other that we have conquered other things that at first seemed like we needed to be geniuses just to try.  We need to keep attempting new things here in cyber space but we also need to remember that it may take several attempts for keepers to actually “get” how to do each individual process.

At least, in trying to conquer the computer, keepers know that we have a brain in our head and that it works quite well–most of the time.  That is more than keepers have ever had before.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Keepers always try hard to work together so that our system can remain up and running while enjoying the blessings in our life instead of cursing at those things that always seem to go wrong.  We do well with this when our system is strong and we feel some sense of kinship with other alters.  However, there are things that can happen that seem to crack our foundation of cooperation wide open.  Thus, leaving keepers feeling very vulnerable and unable to cope for a while.  This is what has happened in keepers lives these last few days.

This past Sunday–March 25–was our daughters birthday.  We have not had contact with her in several years and for the most part keepers have accepted that as her wish.  But, when days like her birthday come around, it is more difficult to just let her go and continue to thrive in spite of the heartache we all feel over the situation.

On top of the birthday issue, the pipes in our bathroom broke and it has been very frustrating for keepers as a plumber still has to come out and fix them.  Our blog has not worked right in months now and that felt like a situation that was getting worse instead of better.  The ink cartridges on our computer had run out.  John had ordered new ones and paid the speedy delivery charge which meant they should have been here in two days.  But the third day came and we had no ink cartridges.  Then, the fourth day came and went.

All of this happening had left keepers feeling more and more worn down each day.  Internally, we were trying to bolster each other up with our promises that everything would turn out just fine.  But keepers are multiple and abuse survivors so we know that there will always be times when not one of us can believe that bad times are going to turn to good times again.

When this happens, keepers know we are being cross and unfair with our John Michael.  We know that we are being very unfair but getting a grip and turning things around seem far beyond our abilities at that point.  Keepers tend to lose hope when times like these feel prolonged to us.  We seem to draw back into our old deep dark depression and do not even believe that trying is worth it any more.

In 2007, these are keepers are darkest days.  Thank heavens, they are not nearly and bad or as lengthy as they used to be.  Our days of finding our alters completely unable to believe last just a short time now.  Our moments of deep despair are more fleeting where once they seemed so very permanent.

Each time one of these dark day sagas comes to an end and hope begins to grow anew among keepers, we discover that keepers healing path is not meant to always be a smooth one.  Many times, it comes down to keepers taking four steps forward only to make two steps backward.  Often, it is when keepers think we have some of the answers that we discover someone changed the questions on us.  And, it seems this mini disasters seem to pile up in our lives at the exact time when we least expect them.

As you can see, our dear Andzrej (webmaster and friend) fixed our blog problem by this morning.  A plumber is on his way even as I type.  Our daughter’s birthday has come and gone which means keepers are more at peace with the hurt.  Our ink cartridges arrived in the mail.  So, life is once again falling into place here at KEEPERSKORNER which feels mighty nice to all who live here.

The one thing keepers have learned to do is give ourselves permission to just fall down and stay every once in a while.  We allow ourselves time to not believe and to be afraid of trusting.  We give ourselves a little time to wallow in our own self pity.  We know that as an abuse survivor–we both need and deserve those times of feeling like we have lost the battle.  We need those moments where our eyes turn to the heavens and we ask in unison “Why keepers, God?”

The funny thing is that God’s response to us is always the same.  He lets us all know that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  Once keepers are in touch with that again, we begin to look for that light at the end of what can be a very dark tunnel for us.  Once keepers see the glimmer of light off in the distance, we realize that keepers did not stop believing–we just simply got off track for a little while.

peace and blessings,

keepers

Welcome to KEEPERSKORNER’S new weblog.  Keepers are sad in many ways to let go of our old blog because it was, actually, part of our website.  But, as many of you know, we were just way having way too many problems with it.  Eventually, we knew that it was time for us to move on to something more user friendly like this blog promises to be.

Our old blog will continue to be up on KEEPERSKORNER but merely in archival status for people to go in and read.  Commenting will not be possible any more on our old blog, though.

Both John and keepers are looking forward to getting back to our blog conversations with all of our blog friends.  We hope that you will join us because working with this new blog should be much easier for you as it should be for us.

peace and blessings,

keepers